Friday, November 21, 2014

Trailer review: Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas stars Kirk Cameron as Kirk Cameron, and also stars a man named Christian (Darren Doane), who isn’t sure he likes what Christmas has become. While hosting a party in his massive, mall-like mansion, Christian decries the materialism of Christmas and all the holiday trappings that everyone is having the time of their lives enjoying.

“This ... is not ... what Christmas is all about,” Christian laments to Kirk Cameron, after both have retired to Christian’s car, because apparently that’s more Christmas.

Christian then rattles off several true facts about the pagan origins of many Christmas symbols, and why those facts bum him out so much.

“Newsflash! Not in the Bible!” he says, either about his car or about Christmas trees.

Kirk Cameron then sets Christian straight — not on how cool it is that all major religions and nonreligions have observances during the winter solstice, so maybe we’re all one and the same after all, but on how all of that is garbage and everything is all Christianity, even if it doesn't seem like it and isn't.

A slow-motion vignette about the nativity follows, where nothing gets said and baby Jesus is represented by a cloth, and it totally works, you guys. Christian is SO rapturously convinced that he immediately becomes the life of the party, happy to see his family, friends, tree, presents and (presumably) peppermint bark through the aperture of Kirk Cameron's Jesus. A montage of dancing follows. Christmas has been saved. All in two minutes and three seconds. A holiday miracle for our times.

The trailer hints at a longer movie, raising the possibility that the trailer didn’t spoil it entirely. Perhaps what we see in the preview is the first act, and that the real conflict arises when Christian wakes up on Christmas morning realizing that everything Kirk Cameron told him is not only razor-flimsy, but also kind of awful. Maybe Christian comes to terms with the cultural melding that is Christmas, accepting the fact that people celebrate it in many different, personal ways, and that’s OK. Perhaps Christian thinks it over for the next 12 days, and on Jan. 6, has his epiphany. Talk about saving Christmas!

But, more likely, the longer film is simply the preview’s story arc with a lot more Kirk Cameron proselytizing and Christian dad-dancing. You might come away from this trailer thinking you want two minutes of your life back, but you’ll have to see the full movie to want 80 minutes of your life back.

Unrated; 2 minutes, 3 seconds; now playing on the Internet.

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