(From Capitalist Letters)
A pressure cooker, an Abdominator, a leisure suit and The Best of Neil Diamond on cassette are stacked up in a closet.
Pressure cooker: (Yawn) "Good morning, all."
Best of Neil Diamond: "Mornin'."
Leisure suit: "TGIF!"
Pressure cooker: "Oh, is it Friday?"
Leisure suit: "I don't know. I lost track in 1983."
Best of Neil Diamond: "You were still being worn in 1983?"
Leisure suit: "I was only worn in 1983. That was the year Ken bought me."
Abdominator: "Ken was behind the times, huh?"
Leisure suit: "Yes. Yes he was. And still is."
Pressure cooker: "At least you got worn! I've never been taken out of my box. Just opened."
Best of Neil Diamond: "My shrink wrap is fully intact. I don't get it. Ken claimed he was a fan."
Abdominator: "You have good songs on you."
Best of Neil Diamond: "I know, right? I mean, at this point, who knows how hissy they sound. But Ken could still play me in his Cressida."
Pressure cooker: "The Cressida! Now there's something you never see in the closet."
Abdominator: "It must be so nice to get used that much. I got used three times, once by the dog. Does that count? If not, twice."
Leisure suit: "Looking at Ken, I'd say he could a few extra go-rounds on it. Then he could fit in me again."
Pressure cooker: "It'd take more times than that, I think."
Best of Neil Diamond: "If he put me in his Walkman, maybe he'd be inclined to jump around some more."
Walkman: "Nope, sorry, over here."
Abdominator: "Oh, shoot! Never thought you'd go out of style."
Walkman: "I blame compact discs. Since Ken changed out his collection three years ago, I've been tucked back here with corroding batteries."
Leisure suit: "How have we not seen you all this time?"
Walkman: "This bag of flip-phones has been in the way, and that smartphone just got thrown in here too."
Abdominator: "That's a pretty new smartphone. Still has a charge, even. What's it doing here?"
Smartphone: "Ken upgraded. My two years was up."
Walkman: "Two years? Man, they don't make things like they used to."
Leisure suit: "I think most of us would have taken two years of use."
Smartphone: "I still work perfectly. Ken only used five percent of my memory."
Leisure suit: "Huh?"
Abdominator: "So why did he dump you here?"
Smartphone: "Because the new version of me has a slightly better interface."
Leisure suit: "Well, welcome to the land of impulse buys."
Walkman: "And retired must-haves."
Smartphone. "Thanks. So what does that make me?"
Leisure suit: "Futuristic! Please, do tell us, what is life like outside the door? Is everyone getting along? Are cars flying yet?"
Smartphone: [Loses charge]
Abdominator: "Awww! I'll bet everything's going great out in the world."