Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Irrational nonsense erased my back pain

Satire is at its absolute best when it's able to make everyone laugh and say "heyyyy now" at the same time. Sacred cows are the enemy of satire, so it's good to see an empty pasture at the Periodic Table of Irrational Nonsense (which is from 2010, but it's new to me).

Pretty much every weird thing (and every mainstream thing) I've ever heard anyone believe in is here. And though my stance on the universe is that everything is far more boring and pedestrian than people want to believe it is — and thus I believe in virtually nothing on this list — I can still see why even rational followers of the world's major religions might object to seeing their faiths lumped in with chemtrails and astral projection.

For me, though, the main point of disagreement lies in the "traditional bollocks" row of the "quack block." Among the dubious medical/mystical practices is the awkwardly named "chiropractic." I don't think it belongs there.

Chiropractors get a bad rap. I'm not sure why, apart from that it's a noninvasive procedure that critics don't consider "real" medicine. Or maybe it once had some mystical connotation that I'm not aware of.

But I can tell you this: in May, I went to see a chiropractor after half a year of crippling sciatic pain. I had to take caffeine-and-aspirin pills every six hours for six months just so I could move. After a single session with the chiropractor, I was able to stop taking the pills. Two weeks later, he declared me fixed.

In total, I had six sessions of 15 minutes or less each, in which he stretched me, employed lasers and percussive instruments on the afflicted disc and cracked various points on my body. Total out-of-pocket cost: $240. Considering the surgery and physical therapy I've had for the same problem in the past, that's a bargain. And aside from some minor nerve pain in moments of high stress (which has always happened), I haven't hurt since.

Much of what I experienced at the chiropractor's office wasn't much different than other medical procedures I've had. There was no spiritual mumbo-jumbo and everything done to me served a physical and practical purpose. It was quick, inexpensive and required no medication. Best of all, it worked. I wish more medical procedures could be as convenient.

So that's my beef with the Periodic Table of Irrational Nonsense. But like I said, it wouldn't be as effective if we didn't all find something to object to.

No comments: