Friday, June 20, 2014


"Man up." A phrase that always signals open-mindedness and understanding.

Manhood is one of those paradoxical concepts that slips away the more you try to get your hands on it. A real man isn’t fixated every five seconds on whether he is truly a Man. That’s not running the race; that’s looking over your shoulder. It’s insecurity.

Matt Walsh, my favorite blogger except for every other blogger and most of the more sophisticated spambots, is urging men to man up in his latest masterpiece. He says dudes must stop being fuzzy about the status of their relationships and call them what they are — sound, defined investments in the Bank of Marriage. Or something like that.

Walsh’s piece combines a mainlined shot of “man up” with a dose of “I know better than you do how to handle your specific, arbitrary situation, stranger.” So, as usual, it’s a winner.

He cites his own now-marriage as proof of what happens if you open up the channels of communication early on. Apparently, very early on.

With Alissa, things were pretty clear from the get-go. We had a relationship. A real, live relationship. A few months into it, I proposed.

Now, I agree that communication is important in a relationship. If you’re incompatible or otherwise clearly have divergent life goals, it’s best to get that out in the open as soon as possible so everyone can avoid wasting time and energy. But even the tightest couples are going to differ over some stuff. For example, how soon into the relationship did Matt and Alissa declare it a relationship? Right away? At exactly the same time? Was there no hesitation on either one's part, even if just momentary? I don't know for sure, given that I have yet to find that special someone who thinks every thought exactly as I do at exactly the right moment, with no hangups or ambiguities.

Planet Walsh is apparently full of these people. I’d say I’m jealous, but I’m not. Because for me, dating means spending time with someone fun and seeing what kind of chemistry, if any, develops. When it works, it’s a pleasant adjunct to life and can indeed lead to greater, long-term happiness. When it doesn’t, it’s broken off in favor of a mutually better situation.

For Walsh, on the other hand, all dates are preliminary auditions for Marriage Idol. There is no other purpose. You’re either fulfilling your holy Christian duty by connecting the dots of courtship or you’re engaged in a satanic orgy of sin. Even worse, you’re wasting your date’s time, because all they’re thinking is, “Man, I really feel like getting this marriage thing rolling. Let’s see, who shall I choose?” You’re the only one in society who isn’t thinking this. (Except for all the people Walsh is chiding, apparently.)

So before you work up the nerve to ask her out, fellows, make sure you’ve got an entire life plan mapped out for you and her. If your date isn’t purpose-driven like Rick Warren wants, what’s the point? Fun? You little boy! Be a man!

No wonder the young people aren’t in relationships or getting married anymore. Dang smartphones.

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