Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A letter to all the "nice" guys

Why am I putting “nice” in quotation marks? Because the kind of “nice” Elliot Rodger was is not nice at all. For him, like it is for many of you, his “niceness” was mostly a ruse to get sex. When it didn’t work, he became bitter and ... well, you know the rest. His (alleged) murder spree is the most extreme end of what is a sadly all-too-common behavior among many of you. And while I trust most of you will never come close to taking your frustration to bloody extremes, I still hate the effects your vile thoughts and acts have on society.

You probably don’t care what I think. Fair enough. But you should realize that being “nice” is keeping you down as well. Someone as catch-worthy as you deserves better, am I right? So heed the following points, and you might find yourself as attractive as you think you are.

“I’M NICE, DAMMIT!” IS NOT A PICK-UP LINE. There’s a saying that if someone is nice to their friends but rude to their server, then they are not a nice person. That absolutely applies here. If you broadcast to the whole world, “LOOK AT ME, I’M A NICE GUY,” then explode in disbelief and rage the moment you get friend-zoned, you’re not nice. You’re “nice.”

A man who is truly nice is that way without any conditions or ulterior motives. They might want love and sex as badly as you do, but they’re not going to go all Mr. Hyde if it doesn’t pan out. They will be rational and human about it. And maybe even nice.

THINKING YOU’RE GREAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU GREAT. As nose-deep as you are in your own hype, it won’t be quite as self-evident to other people. Women are going to judge you by what they see and sense about you, not what you think about yourself. So you’ll have to remember to be the person you claim to be. If you’re too wrapped up in your dysmorphic arrogance, you might find your perspective doesn’t at all match the sniveling little jerk everyone else sees.

NO WOMAN OWES YOU ANYTHING. No one is entitled to a lover. Not you. Not me. Not Brad Pitt. For any reason. Ever. Not for being “nice.” Or even for being actually nice. It either happens or it doesn’t. Even if you have won her over, it’s still up to her whether or not to stay with you. Every pairing from a committed relationship down to a quick hookup has to be an organic partnership, with mutual benefits. It’s not about keeping score of obligations or basing your life on ridiculous Hollywood imagery. Much of the groaning and anger among you “nice” guys would vanish in a flash if you would simply embrace this notion. And again, this would make you more appealing as a person.

WHO ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO IMPRESS? If the answer to that question is any variation of “my dudebros,” then you’re doing it wrong. It should never be about what your friends think. (Hell, the whole idea of impressing is pretty stupid in general. Just be you and be good.) An entire community, “Pick-Up Artists,” has evolved around a culture of seduction. They obsess over “alphas” and “betas” and make a competition of coupling. That’s misogynist enough on its face, but it also convinces you “nice” guys that there’s something wrong with you if your life isn’t an ever-looping porn film. Because you’ve bought into the idea that women are yours for the taking with just the right recipe. But there is no right recipe, because women aren’t appetizers for you to sample. They are human beings. Are you?

“MEN’S RIGHTS” IS NOT A THING. This movement should be held in the same regard as white supremacy. It’s a majority power group bemoaning the fact that people other than them are people too.

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE. Don’t be too proud to grow emotionally. Don’t feel like it’s all over after 22. And, most important of all, don’t feel like you need a relationship to be alive. You don’t. Happiness lies within you. You alone owe yourself that. Make damn sure you collect.

Oh, and one last thing:

DON’T HURT OR KILL ANYONE. Good grief, this should be self-evident.

Are we clear? I hope so. Have a nice day.

— Ian

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