Thursday, December 12, 2013

Pretty easy to snuff out


Yes. Fire extinguishers are exactly like guns.

People who own fire extinguishers are constantly harping on how having one is the definition of being a homeowner. And that everyone who enjoys the ability to live in a structure in America does so thanks to the efforts of those smart enough to stockpile fire extinguishers.

They scoff at people who aren’t as quick to pack the big red barrels and insist those who don’t dwell constantly on worst-case fire scenarios are inviting flammable conditions. They ridicule those who say that flames can be averted with common-sense precautions and other methods that don’t require such a messy, last-resort form of defense.

They claim they need an extinguisher when (not if!) someone decides to break into their home and set it on fire. And it’ll be even more important when (not if!) the government decides to flex its muscle and go door-to-door burning down every living unit in America. When that time comes, will they ever be ready to counter Big Brother’s jackboots with their household Kiddes!

They claim with a straight face that fire is drawn to schools without fire extinguishers in every room. That if extinguishers got outlawed, only outlaws could extinguish forest fires. And, of course, they remind naysayers that fire extinguishers don’t put out fires; people put out fires.

In their fantasy scenarios, of course, they forget that fire extinguishers are incredibly dangerous, being just as likely to start fires as put them out. That kids who pull the pin on an unsecured fire extinguisher run the risk of burning their own heads off. They forget that a fire extinguisher in the hands of a mentally ill person can result in the deaths of dozens in a very short time. Not that any of that matters, because when extinguisher tragedies happen, the answer is always more extinguishers. To put out the fires that the fire extinguishers start.

Yeah, fire extinguishers are nothing like guns.

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