Sunday, June 09, 2013

Inspired by several recent conversations

Guy who swears he isn't racist: “A lot of our problems would go away if black people stopped annoying white people.”

Me: “What?”

“I’ve lived lots of places and I’ve never seen racial tension like we have here in Louisiana. The blacks in other places are friendly. Over here, the blacks seem intent on making life as hard for white people as possible.”

“Wow, that’s incredibly racist.”

“RACIST?!! How DARE you call me a RACIST! What is racist about that? It’s the TRUTH!!”

“OK, calm down. How does this annoyance manifest itself?”

“Well, I was at McDonald’s the other day and the black clerk was surly to me.”

“A lot of fast food clerks are surly.”

“Yeah, but every time I go to this particular place, the blacks always roll their eyes at me. I see them being nice to the other black people, but I ask for one Big Mac with two Big ‘N’ Tasty patties cooked medium rare and step on it, and suddenly I’m the bad guy.”

“And you think that has nothing to do with your overly finicky order and bad attitude?”

“They wouldn’t have a problem with it if it were another one of the blacks making that order.”

“Maybe the problem is that you keep saying ‘the blacks’ like they’re aliens.”

“Don’t get me started on the illegals! Look, I know it doesn’t fit in with your idealized P.C. view of how things should be, but let’s face it: blacks in Louisiana are a hostile breed. I see it everywhere I go.”

“Could that impression be in any way related to the dripping contempt you’re broadcasting?”

“Hey, I don’t burn crosses on lawns or say the N-word!”

“You think you have to be that blunt to be racist?”

“Hey, pal, you don’t know me.”

“You’re right. I just have what you’re saying to go by. I’m sure that’s been true for lots of people you’ve encountered.”

“Blacks need to take responsibility for their resentment.”

“Have you taken responsibility for your role in said resentment?”

“It’s not my problem. It’s theirs.”

“You don’t think it’s even slightly bigoted to suggest that you’re all right and they’re all wrong?”

“No. In fact, YOU’RE the racist.”

“Huh?”

“That’s right. You’re the typical Democrat Party progressive, preaching tolerance but being intolerant when it comes to views that don’t match yours.”

“I’m intolerant of intolerance.”

“You’re a hypocrite. The Democrat Party is the true racist party.”

“That’s ‘Democratic’ Party. How is it racist?”

“The soft bigotry of low expectations. You don’t think blacks can stand on their own two feet. That’s why you have to baby them with social programs and vote for their candidate out of white liberal guilt.”

“First off, I support social programs for anyone who needs them, regardless of race. Second, Obama was a solid candidate and is a decent, though not perfect, president. Third, he earned it. If Democrats wanted a black president for its own sake, we’d have elected Jesse Jackson in 1984. It’s Republicans who put up unqualified candidates like Herman Cain and Sarah Palin and hope blacks and women vote for them just because of what they are. Talk about soft bigotry.”

“Republicans believe blacks can stand on their own two feet. But the blacks don’t see that, so they vote for Democrats because they like their welfare and low-tax gravy train.”

“What does the GOP have to attract blacks? Or, for that matter, women and youth?”

“We want them to have the opportunity to succeed on their own merits, without government interference.”

“So, nothing.”

“Right. It’s an incentive to succeed.”

“So why do rich people vote Republican?”

“To look after their best economic interests.”

“By your logic, though, shouldn’t they vote Democrat, so that they stay on their toes?”

“That’s nonsense.”

“Well, that’s what you’re asking of minorities.”

“It’s what’s best for them, even if they don’t know it.”

“So you know better than they do what they need?”

“Yes I do.”

“And why is that?”

“Because they keep voting for Democrats under the delusion that they need to be cared for. They continue to be fooled by liberal rhetoric.”

“So you’re saying blacks are stupid?”

“I’m saying they’re easily hoodwinked.”

“You think blacks are being hoodwinked by the Democrats.”

“That’s right.”

“And you think that they should blindly vote Republican out of tough love.”

“Yep.”

“I detect massive condescension in that line of thought.”

“All I’m saying is, if blacks were nicer, smarter and willing to work with us, things would be better.”

“But minorities have almost never been in power in Louisiana. Crumbling roads and gutted schools aren’t a product of racial tension — if anything, much of that is thanks to rich, white conservatives being greedy.”

“See? That’s you bringing race into it yet again! Typical liberal hypocrite.”

“My point is that your rage is misguided. Maybe look at the individuals actually causing the problems, who are far removed from the target of your anger. That isn’t an indictment of all rich, white conservatives — but it is of those who are culpable.”

“Bobby Jindal is Indian. I voted for him. So there.”

“That’s very non-racist of you.”

“Exactly! I looked at his content of character, like Martin Luther King said. And Jindal has good character. He isn’t bad like the others.”

“I see.”

“Are you about to suggest that I’m a racist again?”

“No, you’re pretty much doing it for me.”

“Stop projecting your racism on me, you progressive Democrat racist bigot.”

“Uh—”

“Always playing the race card! Anything to please the blacks.”

“I’m done.”

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