Tuesday, April 23, 2013

New Rules

Rule #229: Photoflop
If you must Photoshop a black person out of your vaguely racist political mailer, at the very least don't use the face right next to the altered face. It makes you look bad.

Rule #230: Manadox 
Anyone who thinks a "Man Card" is a thing doesn't deserve one.

Rule #231: Penney for your thoughts
Americans have to admit that they shop stupidly. JCPenney recently abandoned its new consistent-low-price system because customers missed the rush of sales and using coupons, even though said deals are mostly the product of jacking up prices and affixing sale tags to merchandise. Similarly, grocery stores employ layouts designed to spread out necessities and increase impulse buys. All of this is common knowledge, and yet people not only accept it, they enjoy it. For all the complaints about high taxes, high gas prices and welfare, people sure seem to enjoy buying things they otherwise wouldn't because they "save" money by doing so. There's an even better way to save money than through doorbuster deals — it's called not buying what you don't need. It's always 100 percent off!

Rule #232: Miranda righteous
It's good to see that Dzohkhar Tsarnaev is going through the U.S. court system rather than being tried as an enemy combatant. Within our borders, this should always be the way.

Rule #233: Settle, downers
Always shoot for the moon. You have the rest of your life to join the naysayers on the ground.

Rule #234: The cycle of life
It's always darkest before the dawn. Sometimes the nights are long, but daytime always has its turn.

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