Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'm sure that it's in no way racist

A Republican in Austin, Texas, is making national headlines for hanging a folding chair from a rope in his front yard. But I'm sure it's been grossly misinterpreted, as so many of these statements are. With that in mind, I've compiled a list of statements this yard display could be making that are in no way implying that he'd like to see President Obama be the victim of a highly racist method of mob justice:

• It's not racist, it's anti-chair, because chairs promote sitting, which promotes laziness.

• It isn't about hatred for chairs so much as love for couches.

• Poorly built tree swings are part of his proud heritage.

• The political statement here is that, like the chair, he leans to the right.

• It's not anti-Obama, it's pro-Romney, because like the chair, Romney doesn't fold.

• The chair represents America, you see, and it's holding on by a thread (the rope).

• The chair represents a piƱata, but if you swing at it expecting free candy, all you'll get is a whack in the face from the metal — and thus your lesson about American bootstrappery!

• The four legs represent our forefathers, the seat represents the seat of power in White House and the backrest symbolizes how we will take our country back and other Glenn Beck crap.

• It's a sundial — when you don't see a shadow, it's Get-A-Job o'clock.

• He's saying the president is well-hung. So, it's a compliment!

• It's a monument to Clint Eastwood's historic RNC speech that just happens to be hanging from a tree.

• It's this man's way of telling people to get off his lawn. Especially if they're Obama canvassers.

• It's a sign for his rope business, showing how well his rope holds weight from a tree branch, if ever you need that for some reason.

• He's saying Obama is the president he'd most like to hang ... with.

• It's a political-climate weathervane — if there's a hurricane, a looter will steal it.

• Whatever it means, tax cuts are probably involved.

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