Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Let's talk about rape some more


Here in God's country, the following conversation often happens:

"Want a Coke?"

"Sure."

"What kind?"

So I guess it makes sense that, as goes soda, so goes rape:

"What happened to you?"

"I just got raped!"

"What kind?"

"The kind where a man forced himself upon me against my will for sex."

"Oh, legit rape?"

"Yes!"

"Are you sure? You can't know yet if you're not pregnant."

"A man violated me. I'm traumatized and bleeding."

"Let's not jump to conclusions."

"Please take me to the hospital."

"Do you have insurance?"

"No. Can't afford it."

"Eh, it probably wouldn't cover this kind of rape anyway."

"Please!"

"OK, OK, get in the car."

"Hopefully we can get some DNA and lock up this asshole."

"You didn't have it coming, did you?"

"What?!! Of course not! Why would you even suggest that?"

"Look, I'm all for prosecuting legitimate rape, except in cases of rape or incest."

"Aren't you thinking of abortion?"

"Abortion is murder. There can be no exceptions to it."

"But rape has exceptions?"

"If you get pregnant as a result, then yes. Babies are a blessing."

"But I don't want a child! I'm not ready for the responsibility, nor am I psyched about staring at my rapist's genetics every day."

"I hope that was going through your mind during the rape so that your natural birth control kicked in. Because contraception would be immoral at this point."

"I'm not sure why I got in the car with you, Todd."

"Come on now. Think of all the Earth-changing people who were products of rape."

"Think of all the wingnut misogynists who should have been products of abortion."

"Take a chill pill. But not the Pill. How about a Coke?"

"Make my Coke a Dr. Pepper. He's a more qualified health expert than you."

"Don't make me turn this car around." 

"You've been driving in reverse the whole time."

"Sorry. Habit."

"Finally, we're here. Goodbye."

"Vote for me!"

"You had me at 'what kind.'"

2 comments:

TinCanMan said...

I guess I'll never understand women who vote against their own best self-interests by voting for a party like the Republicans.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha - well done, thank you.