Rule #208: Piss like a radish horse
If you bill something as mustard, it should be mustard — not mustard AND HORSERADISH. I've also nearly imbibed nacho cheese that had unbilled horseradish. What the hell? I hate horseradish! It's a very pungent and distinctive flavor. I get that many people like the mustard-horseradish blend. Fine. But what train of thought would compel anyone making my sandwich to assume that's what I want when I ask for mustard? What's so hard about plain, default yellow mustard?
"I would like mustard."
"OK." (Spreads stuff that is half mustard, half acquired taste)
"I won't notice this until I get home and it's in my horrified mouth."
Do they also mix their mayonnaise with toothpaste? Actually, that sounds like a winner.
Rule #209: iHad
I'm not sure how giving a spammer my credit card number to give me money to buy an iPad so I can send it to them is supposed to improve my credit rating, but that's why they're the experts. Sign me up!