Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Rhythm Method is gonna get you

Make up your mind, Catholic Church! 

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia apparently has a policy that students attending prom must have a date. They say it's because prom is "a special social event." And apparently special social events aren't attended by deviant, non-couple people. 

I urge the church to reverse this stance. In fact, it seems prudent for the archdiocese to flip the rule entirely: no dates! No one arrives with a date and — most crucially — no one leaves with one either. Employ separate exits if necessary. It's much easier to enforce a no-hanky-panky or minimum interacting distance when the entire dance is awkward. With a little luck, the dance might end up in the fifth-grade configuration: guys over here, girls over there. And BOOM! No chance of abortion! (Though gay marriage is possible. This proposal has wrinkles, I'll admit.)

In any case, it seems wrong to rail constantly against things like abortion and teen lust and then chide a young girl for not having a date. After all, it isn't like she planned it — her date pulled out. Why punish and embarrass her any further? The decision to attend prom should be between her and her chauffeur, and not subject to the outdated patriarchal mores of the clergy (especially given that they won't pay a dime toward her significant expenses). Who could possibly disagree with that?

Oh, right.

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