Friday, November 11, 2011

New Rules

Rule #178: Allen Dredgery

If your TV show is centered around pretentious assholes, at least make sure that, at some point, they get their comeuppance. I’m not going to point fingers here, but there is at least one group of oversaturated actors and filmmakers that keeps taking potentially brilliant setups and frustratingly squanders them every chance they get. And I get the feeling they do it on purpose, because they think unchecked verbal abuse of easy targets is funny. As are stereotypes of gays as evangelical, predatory monsters. And rapid-fire, pseudo-witty, douchebag dialogue.

If you’re going to be that way, at least have some laughs in there. I laughed more at “Bob’s Burgers,” and watching that show to me was like eating a flavorless piece of candy.

Rule #178-B: Animation Abomination

Maybe the Occupy protests should spread to the apparently 1 percent of people making our entertainment these days. I feel like Seth MacFarlane is in everything. Seth is one of my absolute favorites, but if he makes even one more show, Fox will explode like microwave popcorn. The problem with giving one person so much airtime is that, eventually, you forget why you wanted so much of this person in the first place.

I would probably feel embarrassed if MSNBC devoted an entire evening to talk shows starring me. Just mulling the idea makes me sick. Absolutely sick.

Rule #178-C: Flick Clique

At least give us time to get sick of Seth Rogen before giving us Jonah Hill to get sick of.

Rule #179: Gee, O P!

I don’t really care that Herman Cain is allegedly a serial sexual harasser or that Rick Perry lost his bearings on live TV. First off, neither one of those qualities has ever kept a Republican from political success. Also, neither one will ever be president.

Rule #179-B: Texas Toast

“Perry’s Third Thing” would be an awesome name for a band. Or a horror flick.

Rule #180: Banner manners


There has to be something that can’t be sponsored.

1 comment:

venessalewis said...

Perry's Third Leg would be a porn. Jus sayin'.