Sunday, November 20, 2011

Noel? Oh well...

We're nearing that magical time of year again — The War on Christmas! Ho, ho, hoo-ah and pass the ammunition! Tinsel Fi! All hands on deck to deck the decked halls! I'm sure I could make more puns if I knew more military terminology!

You know it's a good war when only the defense is fighting. As far as I can tell anyway, because I figure that any massive offensive comprising secular liberals fed up with over-commercialization and religious influence in politics would have at least sent me an invite or something. Alas, I guess I'll have to stick to celebrating Christmas with my family for the time being.

This poem I found on Facebook this morning encapsulates a lot of the malarkey we tend to hear about the Alleged War on Christmas (or AWOC, for you military acronym buffs):


With this in mind, I have a few questions for the Christmas Warriors among us:

1) Have Christians really stopped praying?
2) How much power does the "PC Police" have? I'm a Mac user; will they come for me next?
3) When have schools ever banned anything but forced, involuntary prayer? 
4) Who doesn't say Christmas when referring specifically to the Dec. 25 Christian holiday? 
5) Why has it taken you so long to notice the crass commercialization of Christmas when A Charlie Brown Christmas lamented the same thing in 1965?
6) I haven't seen any Ramadan or Kwanzaa displays at big-box stores, let alone read when retailers announced that said displays were middle-fingers to Christians. Do I need new contact lenses?
7) Jane Fonda is indisputably the face of Kwanzaa, so I'll let that one slide. But isn't Al Franken Jewish? As in, very much not Muslim?
8) Why do department stores hold so much sway in what you personally believe? And where did you get the idea that these stores are striking out Christmas references?

How dare...
retailers remove...
Christmas references...
and change... 
them to...
...forget it.
9) Why are your political references so old? And why does the Rev. Al Sharpton show up? Couldn't you at least replace him with Barack Obama?
10) Didn't the Senate bill to suppress Jesus talk die in the Urban Legend Subcommittee?
11) Where are these Christians who aren't saying a word? Are they being drowned out by all the Christians who won't stop crying wolf?
12) "Winter break?" "Dream tree?" Has someone been watching the Star Wars Christmas Special on a loop?
13) Could be it be that people make holiday references not to pooh-pooh Christianity, but because we live in an extremely diverse nation that celebrates a variety of holidays this time of year, including Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and many more, and we're keenly aware that not everyone celebrates the same one? And that we want to appeal to the holiday spirit in everyone, regardless of what they believe? And that absolutely no one wants to remove or secularize Christmas? Even non-religious people like me, who love it nonetheless and will be having fun that day and not be outraged at phantom threats like the so-called true believers?
14) Oh, and are you aware that Ramadan was in August this year?

2 comments:

GDad said...

I totally want a bumper sticker that says "Keep Estrus in Easter!"

GDad said...

Sorry for the quick follow-up, but the only reason I didn't make such a sticker on cafe press is that I didn't think people would understand the swollen baboon's rear end or the diagram of fallopian tubes.