Friday, August 26, 2011

Things I've garnered from this cartoon

• Assuming that its creator equates socialism with liberalism and Democrats, which seems likely, that’s an incredibly redundant title. 

• Only far-left radicals eat vegetables. 

• Liberals have been spineless since World War II, which I guess means they had spines back during the New Deal that I’ve heard was so horrible for the nation. 

• Liberals acknowledge America’s past mistakes, and that’s funny. 

• There are apparently hearts and appendices in the brain.

• Liberals apparently worship the writings and principles of a long-dead, godless Soviet, something no conservative or libertarian would ever do. 

• Democrats want free everything! 

• And aren’t averse to raising taxes to pay for all those free things. 

• All these hippie and Soviet Union references prove that this cartoon has physically held up well in all the years since its creation. 

• Liberals all think alike, take orders from centralized authority and want the country to be remade entirely in their image. And that’s bad when they do it. 

• Liberals insist that all Americans have hyphenated labels, when any real American knows that we’re all Americans (except for liberals, of course). 

• Wanting to embrace different ethnicities and cultures, and exercising sensitive communication toward them, is not just ridiculous, but worthy of centerpiece placement in the cartoon. 

• To even consider raising taxes, especially in a time of historically and perilously regressive taxation, is an abomination upon the National Lord. 

• Mainstream national networks are liberal propaganda hurr hurr derp derp. 

• “Moral relativity gray area” is actually pretty clever. Textbook projection, but clever. 

• That “global warming panic center” actually seems pretty small. But still larger than conservatives’ brains would ever allow for the most important issue of our age. 

• Nanny state apparently refers to helping the poor, and safety and environmental standards, and not drastically undertaxing corporations and the rich. 

• Another guilt gland? That’s a lot of guilt for supposedly godless people! And I’m guessing all that guilt over history, the poor and cultural affairs squeezes out acceptable guilt over class warfare, protesting and demanding the rich pay their fair share. 

• Being a victim is strictly a liberal vice. No conservative would ever complain about being persecuted or discriminated against. 

• The “Smarter Than Thou” tumor makes the brain a normal size, which is perhaps a sophisticated jab at how liberals have undersized brains. Or maybe it’s just stupid. 

• You need an electron microscope to view the common sense particle. I’m sure you can find one of these instruments at your local public school or university. Or not. 

• Liberals have no sense of personal responsibility. They want government to be accountable to the citizenry and don’t think people should be left twisting in the wind as a result of austerity and corporate greed. Softies! 

• If liberals had any work ethic, they’d be rich. Because every rich person in America is a hard worker, and every hard worker is rich. It’s amazing our nation’s hamburgers even get made. 

• Liberals might appear to have the better sense of humor, but who has “Mallard Fillmore” and a slew of quickly canceled, blatant ripoffs of successful liberal comedy shows? Advantage: Right! 

Carry on, Scarecrow!

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