Friday, August 12, 2011

Preseason football is...

• Like the first day of school, when you're dizzy with the promise of a bunch of new friends, even if you never see half of them again;

• Depressing when you see a new player wearing a number you didn't realize was available;

• A lot like the 1987 NFL strike after the first series or two;

• Like watching a new episode of Saturday Night Live, in that it cements past seasons as permanently bygone eras;

• The closest football ever comes to being baseball;

• Like the Tracey Ullman Show incarnation of The Simpsons;

• Makes me want to hum, "OIL CAN," like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz. Because they're rusty.

• When guys who are built like me appear, however fleetingly, to have a chance at NFL glory;

• About the only time you ever see obscure football numbers like 48 on the field.

• A stark reminder of why having a regular-season football game two weeks from now would be a terrible idea, Roger Goodell.

• A good time to remember that the 2008 Detroit Lions went 4-0 in preseason, so yes, it means nothing at all.

• Like an oven on preheat.

• Like Christmas in July. In August.

• Like seeing a beloved friend or relative that you haven't seen for too long, and they look and act vaguely different, but you don't care because OMG FOOTBALL!!

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