Saturday, May 07, 2011

More reasons to smile

• When you look in the mirror, you see someone other than Osama bin Laden.
• Something can always kill you faster and harder than the thing you’re worrying about.
• Spiders are not the same size as humans.
• It takes as much talent to get a million dislikes on YouTube as it does to get a million likes.
• Interstate highways make long-distance travel way easier than it could be.
• American law is not decided by the strictest community standards.
• No matter how rich or famous someone gets, they can still wet their pants.
• Hipsters hear it first, so you don’t have to.
• The right site won the Facebook/MySpace battle.
• Sex feels good and circumcision hurts, not vice versa.
• No matter how awesome it seems in theory, teleporting would just lead to WAY more crime.
• DNA is not the kind of acid that burns.
• The music on your iPod is not picked up by passing stereos.
• Wind. In small doses.
• One day, they might take the technology behind those self-destructing DVDs and apply it to our problems.
• Most of us can watch a list of the top 10 NFL draft busts and be grateful we aren’t those guys.
• All of us could be on some kind of top 10 list.
• Ice cream trucks aren’t literally made out of ice cream, thus ensuring their usefulness on hot summer days.
• No matter how old you get, lunch money never loses its luster.
• You can go into any supermarket in the United States and find out how much riboflavin you get in a serving of milk. Or save the trip and Google it.
• If you pay even moderate attention to highway signs, you almost never need your Mapquest instructions on a long road trip.
• Think of the worst quality of your meanest dead relative. They are not exhibiting that quality today.
• This summer will mark 20 years since Jeffrey Dahmer’s had any chance of touching your chocolate.
• A young child who will eventually grow up to be president is being encouraged right now to follow their dreams.
• An older child is being discouraged to follow the same dream for some very good reasons.
• Mathematics always has a definite answer, and sometimes it’s, “Get into English.”
• Chlorophyll is edible.
• Trampolines.
• Did I mention the mirror thing and Osama bin Laden?

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