Monday, March 21, 2011

New Rules

Rule #166: Reflexive Reactionaries
Unless I specifically ask, I don't really care what you think about the Federal Reserve Bank, the Illuminati or 9/11 conspiracy theories. If you're talking about these things, I already know your stance.

Rule #167: Captive Audience
Anyone who says pundits like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, et al. are needed to tell the truth officially gives up the right to complain about lack of objectivity in the media. If those jokers are your barometer, then your objectivity is the problem.

Rule #168: Rack and 'Pinion Clearing
There is a difference between hard news and editorial content. Understand the difference, and accept that both have their place in journalism. Don't get bent out of shape when an editorial expresses an opinion — that's kind of the point. Likewise, don't mistake editorials for hard news, no matter how much networks like Fox News try to blur the line.

Rule #169: Set a Spell
I know now isn't the best time, but can't we just ask Muammar Gaddafi how to spell his name? I've got a paperback book from the 1980s titled "Khadafy" and I want to clarify whether or not we've got two (or two dozen) Libyan despots to deal with.

Rule #170: Barking Up the Learning Tree
Dogs have to get smarter. You cute fellas have the loyalty thing down. Now will you realize that I'm not an intruder every time I move to a different room or stand in the driveway for more than a minute?

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