My relative inactivity for the past few days can be blamed on travels, luncheons and other productive things that put a crimp on my online output. Today is no exception, because I am currently sizing up my clips. While combing through my perhaps too-expansive archives (it's starting to look like Hoarders in here), I found the document below. I wrote it during my stint as a college newspaper columnist, in 2003. It was a column I didn't have the balls to submit, and that's saying something.