Thursday, May 27, 2010

I speak for all Americans

By Earl "Clem" Bob

I'm a proud American. I love my country. And I worry about the direction that the current president and Congress are taking it. And I'm not the only one. In fact, I speak for all Americans when I say, enough is enough!

As a country, we're tired of the Obama administration. I never liked the man to begin with, never supported his policies and didn't vote for him. And now, every American sees what I did back in 2008: that Obama is a socialist, Marxist, Muslim, Kenyan usurper bent on turning this country into a Communist utopia. Oh, and he lies, too.

This ain’t the change we voted for!

Everyone who voted for Obama is feeling buyer's remorse. We're seeing now what a mistake it was to elect him as president. Health care reform. The bailouts. Cash for clunkers. The housing tax credit. Can you think of a single person in America who wanted, let alone benefited, from any of these programs? Of course not.

And how dare Obama apologize for this country to foreign leaders! Why, that undermines everything that we Americans stand united for — the war against Islam, U.S. exceptionalism, a strong pre-emptive defense, drill-baby-drill and a substantial cut to the capital gains tax. We all know that no amount of lily-livered groveling will ever get us respect in the world, not that we even care about that anyway. Everyone in this great country demands an immediate apology from you, sir. Every last American.

We're mad.

Just you watch in November, when every U.S. voter will dutifully throw out each and every incumbent bum up for election. What a glorious day that will be! Neither Democrats nor Republicans are safe in their seats. We will finally vote in leaders who speak for all of us as a nation, like Rand Paul and his fellow tea partiers. And, in 2012, Sarah Palin in a landslide! They might as well not even have the election, because we’re all in agreement now.

Paul, Palin and other politicians like them stand for what all Americans want: less government in our lives. Also, an end to abortion, gays and race-mixing. And putting our soldiers on the Mexican border. Stuff we can all get behind.

Just you wait! Americans are long past tired of the corrupt politics that have infected D.C. for so long. We want change!

And by "we," I mean all of America.

In the meantime, Mr. President, don’t take creationism out of the schools. We don’t all agree on evolution. And go easy on BP. That oil spill is probably nothin’.

Earl “Clem” Bob lives in the American part of America.

33 comments:

Tom Alday said...

"I'm trying to make the debate better" - Ian McGibboney 4/27/10

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, I saw how well that went over...

Nevertheless, I'm glad you read this the way I wanted you to. I was sure the point would be missed.

Tom Alday said...

I read it as you trying too hard. Is that how you wanted me to read it?

Ian McGibboney said...

I wanted you to read it as a satiric encapsulation of tea party thought, the way they think they speak for absolutely every American, when such a thing is impossible for anyone, much less them. Take away the mug and my authorship, and this thing could probably become an e-mail forward for them.

You, on the other hand, know better. Mainly because it's here, but I'll still give you credit.

Tom Alday said...

It's called hyperbole Ian, look it up.

Ian McGibboney said...

Hyperbole (noun): 1) exaggerated language intended to incite outrage and/or alarm; 2) a diplomatic descriptor applied to tea party principles. See also: Hysteria, bullshit.

Tom Alday said...

or "an extravagant statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as “to wait an eternity.”

But really, your desire to paint the Tea Party as nothing but dumb rednecks way outside the mainstream doesn't make much sense considering their demographics are pretty much perfectly in sync with the overall US demographic.
http://radioviceonline.com/gallup-tea-party-demographics-represent-mainstream-america/

Ian McGibboney said...

OK, so we've established that there are a few people in the tea party movement who aren't, in fact, white rednecks. It's not 100 percent of them. Gee golly, I just learned something new!

As for the whole point of this, that the tea partiers are so certain they speak for everyone, what do you have to say about THAT, Tom? Because that's the point.

Tom Alday said...

Considering the Tea Party has no leader I'm not sure who you're raging against. Is it just regular ol Joe Schmoe's spewing hyperbole in email forwards? Is so why do you care so much?

"Speaking for all Americans" is so overused BY BOTH SIDES that normal people don't even bat any eye when someone says it. Of course if you're a flaming liberal it's officially the OUTRAGE OF THE WEEK™ now that the "Obamacare is an insult!" outrage isn't getting much traction. Keep it up faithful Obamatards, one day you'll have a grievance that actually makes sense!

Ian McGibboney said...

I say, pick any of them at random. The whole point of the tea party is that it's some grass-roots movement, right? And that they're going to take our country back? And that all the Obama voters have buyer's remorse? I mean, that seems to be the whole point of the movement. Am I wrong?

I think it's fair to expand this point to include Republicans in general, because (and this is something I argued on a public-access TV show eight years ago) conservatives love to tell everyone what they (meaning everyone) think. You like to tell me what I think. The tea party likes to tell the country what it collectively thinks. And what do you know, they're wrong every time!

Hathor said...

Considering the Tea Party has no leader I'm not sure who you're raging against.

I have to make note, that I heard it here.

NOLA Progressive said...

What's wrong with painting them as a bunch of dumb rednecks or the regional equivalent? That's what they are. If they are remotely intelligent they are libertarians and want nothing to do with the evolved (I use the term looslely) tea party.

Ian McGibboney said...

Hathor - It's a very telling comment. The tea party does have paid endorsers like Sarah Palin for them to drool over, Dick Armey funding it and Fox News promoting it, but TECHNICALLY they don't have a leader. Plausible deniability?

NOLA - I think Tom's offended by my use of redneck imagery, because every single tea partier is not one (only 75 percent, allegedly). I guess if I'd used an educated, handsome, black or Asian person up there, he'd be OK with that.

Tom Alday said...

Gotta love the total inability to see your own hypocrisy:

"conservatives love to tell everyone what they (meaning everyone) think. You like to tell me what I think."

Right before..

"I guess if I'd used an educated, handsome, black or Asian person up there, he'd be OK with that."

It's really amazing how you can be so inconsistent in your thoughts from comment to comment. Remember what I said about index cards?

Also, really like the part about "Plausible dependability???? HMMM???" As if some crime is being committed by the Tea Party. But that's the left, always trying to criminalize thought.


P.S. NOLA, you're trying too hard and not worth the time.

Ian McGibboney said...

Tom, your comparison makes no sense. The entire point of this piece is that the right claims to speak for all America with consistency. They like to tell me how I feel about Obama and other issues, almost like they're shaping a false, alternate reality that they expect me to follow. Nice try.

A real comparison would be if I had said in the past, "Tom and his ilk are regretting voting for Bush," etc., not what you cite, which is in direct response to what you've been saying here.

By the way, I said, "Plausible DENIABILITY." But either way, what you said there also makes no sense. It's a political, not a criminal, observation.

Tom Alday said...

Ah, I see you still haven't grasped the concept of hyperbole. Keep trying! People use the "speak for all Americans" phrase all the time, from both sides. I really don't get your sudden beef with it. I guess you gotta be outraged at something and heaven forbid it be Obama's utter disregard for the fact that your home state is awash in spilled oil.

As for my comparison, you said "I", meaning me, always "tell me what I think" and then go on and tell me what I'd supposedly think would be OK. Do you not see the reason for the comparison? Of course you don't, you're infallible and everything is shades of gray and nuanced with you.

"By the way, I said, "Plausible DENIABILITY." But either way, what you said there also makes no sense. It's a political, not a criminal, observation."

I'll blame the spell checker. But anyway, when has the term "plausible deniability" ever been used in context for anything other than denying a criminal act? Don't try to weasel your way out of what is a utterly retarded statement.

Ian McGibboney said...

Actually, Tom, your Obama remark is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. You're asserting that Obama is showing "utter disregard" for the oil spill. That's not my impression at all, and yet, you're trying to stoke me about something that exists in your mind.

You're always trying to get me to write about something that fits your perception of things, not mine. Like how I should condemn a Democrat for some behavior that may or may not have anything to do with systematic abuses by the GOP. Or that I object to the term "Obamacare" because I'm embarrassed by the health care bill (I'm not). It's really quite amusing. Most people who disagree with me can argue without having to make shit up or superimpose their own train of thought onto mine.

As for plausible deniability, I'm pretty sure that's a common term. In this case, I refer to the way Fox News and Sarah Palin push the event for ratings and political clout respectively, but don't tout themselves as backing it in the event it falls flat as a movement. Likewise, the people look up to them, but want credit for the "grass-roots" movement. Any criminal connotation is something you pulled completely out of your ass, Tom. Again, why am I supposed to play by your made-up rules?

Tom Alday said...

Because playing by your rules has made you nothing but a hypocrite. Normal people would seek to rectify that character flaw, yet you embrace and try to justify it.

venessalewis said...

God, I despise this ass clown. Ian, quit wasting your time on him...he's unstable at best, dangerously psychotic at worst. Tom....go find somewhere else to peddle your ignorance, you homely GOP blog crasher. Like a turd in a punch bowl, no one wants you at this party.

Tom Alday said...

Ah, my favorite part of any 2 way conversation, when the unknown entity that has never said a word to me starts to offer free e-pysch evaluations. Please tell me what makes me both unstable and psychotic Vanessa.

NOLA Progressive said...

Hmmm...who's trying too hard Tommy boy?

Tom Alday said...

NOLA, please. You were maybe interesting when you were pretending to try and be open minded, but since that has been shown to be nothing but a lie your pathetic quips just make me roll my eyes in that highly exaggerated way that really means "Who gave the retard a computer?". Run along.

NOLA Progressive said...

Well when you can't stay on topic, intelligently and respectfully debate issues or basically do anything productive, resort to insults that are bigoted and disgusting. Are you sure you aren't part of GOP leadership?

Tom Alday said...

Oh lord, I guess we're at the "BIGOT" stage of the liberal character smear hierarchy. When "RACIST!" and "UNSTABLE PSYCHOTIC!" fail you know it's nearing the final stages of desperation. Pretty soon I'll be called out for my utter reluctance to wear plaid in social settings and that I probably make faces in public that are unacceptable in todays society.

NOLA, you are a gnat. You are a sad, pathetic joke that no one cares to hear the punch line of. I mean you're riding the coat tails and sniffing the ass of Ian "I'm a failed journalist" McGibboney for christs sake. You can do better for yourself. Clean yourself up and actually contribute to society instead of being a useless, wannabe troll.

Ian McGibboney said...

Tom, if you have a problem with what someone says about you, you should address it. Nail NOLA with facts. Insulting him and me makes you look incredibly defensive. Not to mention hypocritical, because you insist we're just attacking you. And we know how much you hate hypocrites.

By the way, if I'm some failed journalist (an ironic epithet, considering I work for a newspaper), and NOLA is a gnat for reading and agreeing with me, what does that make you, Tom?

Robert Taylor said...

Bottom line: Ian you're a fucking inconsistent and hypocritical prick. After reading your blogs, you feel conveniently offended and justified in attacking whole groups of people (collectivism), when defending yourself against...collectivism on their side.

You don't like how they choose to "speak" for the whole country and deciding what YOU think, but you have no problem telling people you understand how they think.

Tom Alday said...

"Tom, if you have a problem with what someone says about you, you should address it."

I do. I addressed your dear friend Venessa about her out-of-the-blue attacks on my mental state in a focused, calm manner, to which she didn't even bother addressing here and then proceeds to tell me to "STFU" and call me a dipshit in another thread. But I guess it's cool when your friends hurl insults around with impunity? And you still wonder why I call you a hypocrite.

NOLA is special case, he's shown himself to be a fake and a liar and not worth the time to converse with. He's a walking DU thread.

Ian McGibboney said...

Wait a minute...you guys have the same avatar now? Quite a show of solidarity!

Robert, don't tell me about inconsistency. You used to be a reasonable person. We used to converse on a civil level and even talked about collaborations. Then one day you were so violently different that I still don't know what happened. And now you heap abuse on me every time you come here, which would be bad enough without your points being unsubstantiated.

Tom - She's new as a commenter, but she's been reading for a long time. And that's the general rub of what she and others tell me offline all the time: People of all political stripes ask me what is up with you. Why do you insist on lurking here so much? You may see yourself as some brave crusader out to expose me (funny, given that you also consider me worthless and a failure), but even my conservative friends think you're off your rocker. Frankly, they don't even want to get involved here.

So enough with the persecution complex.

Tom Alday said...

I don't have a "persecution complex", I'm just wondering why the hypocrisy when it comes to darling Venessa being allowed to hurl insults around. I guess being "new" and having a "general rub" about me is enough to barge into conversations and spout off a made up psych evaluation. I refrained from attacking her with the same verbal tenacity and responded rather calmly yet I'm the one in the wrong. Got it. Hypocrite.

As for what your squishy conservative friends think about my style, I've said it before, I don't care about them. I've gotten into lots of conversations, and watched a lot of others, where liberals pull out this line about some supposed conservative they know that TOTALLY disapproves of everything I or others say. It's a sad attempt to try and shame the poster into silence and it never works. I don't care. I'm going to be me, and they can go ahead and be them, we don't have to agree on everything like liberals think we should. I have opinions and I express them how I want. If you or whatever squishy conservative you gave a handjob to thinks I'm wrong then so be it.

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, Tom, I let you spout all the time about hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite, which you do with gusto, so you shouldn't be surprised that I afford someone else the same freedom of expression. Hurts being called names over unsubstantiated allegations, doesn't it?

I'm not going to debate whether or not you're stable. And no, I'm not going to ride my friend over a comment that's relatively mild compared to some of the invective you've hurled.

And just stop with the "I'm going to be me" crap. I didn't say my conservative friends would disagree with you, just that it doesn't take a Democrat to spot an asshole when they see one.

NOLA Progressive said...

Tom you have access to everything I've ever written here or to you, and you are certainly good with cut and paste. Explain to me how I'm a hypocrite and a liar? All you're violent and insulting reactions tell me is that I keep hitting a nerve.

If you pull our conversation about meeting in the middle out of your ass, I'm more than ready to discuss that. Meeting in the middle doesn't involve running around hurling insults at everyone and criticizing the journalistic ability of an author you seem to monitor around the clock.

Honestly man as I've said often before, you hang out at an extremely liberal blogsite not to discuss topics but to hurl snark and insults at everyone, and you have the balls to call me pathetic. You boast about how much money you make and how successful you have been and are, all the while assuming that any of us here find a bank account or job title to be a defning characteristic of success. Everything you say is laced with anger, derision, or insult (often all three), and you want to grandstand when one person gets fed up and basically says fuck you.

Also, it's funny that you hurl this DU insult at me (and everyone else for that matter) all the time, because I honestly had never even heard of DU until you started using it like a cudgel. I think I even had to ask Ian what the hell this DU thing was a long long time ago. I do frequent the KOS which is your other old reliable moniker of insult, but DU was so far off the mark it's ironically funny.

I have no desire to discuss my perceived personal contributions and value with you or in this venue. It's my opinion that only highly insecure people and sometimes those suffering from narcissism do so.

Also, I use the word bigot to describe you, because of your use of the word retard to degrade and insult. I never spoke of color once, nor do I find any need to do so. I find it extremely unseemly when a person is so small-minded that they need to use genetically and situationally disadvantaged people as the butt of their jokes and insults. It shows a bigoted mindset.

Tom Alday said...

"Meeting in the middle doesn't involve running around hurling insults at everyone and criticizing the journalistic ability of an author you seem to monitor around the clock. "

No, but it involves, you know, actually meeting in the middle. Something I'm perfectly able to do, and something you claimed to WANT to do...but then resorted to dipshit mode. You can say all you want about me but at least I'm consistent and not a little shifting weasel like you.

"Honestly man as I've said often before, you hang out at an extremely liberal blogsite not to discuss topics but to hurl snark and insults at everyone, and you have the balls to call me pathetic."

I "hang out" at a lot of websites, some liberal and some conservative. I "hurl snark and insults" here because Ian creates that type of atmosphere, hell this post we're commenting on is built on nothing but insults and snark! But those snarky insults are good in your opinion, because they are focused on conservatives. That's the only type of snark allowed 'round these parts, eh?

"Everything you say is laced with anger, derision, or insult (often all three),"

I'm only mirroring the tone of this blogs author. Take it up with him.

"I have no desire to discuss my perceived personal contributions and value with you or in this venue."

I never asked to discuss them, nor do I care to. I merely offered my opinion on your worth as a human, the same type of opinion you've offered about me. But once again, it's bad when I do it.

"Also, I use the word bigot to describe you, because of your use of the word retard to degrade and insult. "

You're right, you're clearly not a retard. I apologize. Now, do you consider the term "dumb redneck" to be bigoted? Because many do. This will be a real test to see if you're as open minded as you claim, or just another hypocrite liberal.

NOLA Progressive said...

You are not capable of meeting in the middle Tom. At least you have demonstrated exactly zero that would suggest so. Your singular purpose for visiting this blog is to give Ian a hard time. You can polish that up anyway you want, but a turd is still a turd (I don't mean you are a turd, rather your explanation). That is why you are here; not some notable attempt to be well-rounded.

I've never been inconsitent with you at all. I said I'd rather not have all this back and forth bullshit, and I certainly see eye to eye with you from time to time. That hasn't changed, but your actions continue to be as they always have here (which is the only place I ever interact with you), so nothing much has changed in our discourse. That's not inconsistent. It's just nothing new happening.

You're only mirroring Ian's tone? That's great, so what you are saying for all of your self proclaimed well-rounded diversity you simply can't help but being totally controlled in your tone and tenor by a person you regard as incompetent and completely hyprocrital? That doesn't speak highly of you.

I have never offered an opinion on your worth as a human. I know you exactly zero outside of your interaction on this blogsite. I assume you do not interact with the world at large as you interact here day in and day out. I certainly do not. I may express some of the same opinions in particular setttings or discuss things, but the majority of my life doesn't involve political discussion. I would assume the same about you. I have no measure to value your worth as a human nor would I if did have such measure. I have simply commented on your actions, statements, etc... here.

Finally, I will concede dumb redneck can be perceived as bigoted. If this term which I have certainly used, struck you as such I extend my apology as well. I will reconsider its use and the meaning I was trying to imply by using it.