Saturday, April 10, 2010

Any given Easter Sunday

4/4: Sometimes, you have to put things in perspective. Football is just a game. It’s not something that should ever tear a family apart. On the other hand, that’s sometimes the best part about it.

Phillips Screwdriver (Jack, Jerome, Amber) bested McHammer (Ian, Travis, Tina) 86-78 in a battle that literally pitted husbands against wives and mothers against daughters.

On a gorgeous Easter Sunday, Jack brought his family (wife Tina, daughter Amber) out to play. SOFA welcomed Tina and Amber with enthusiasm, partly because it’s always great to see smiling new faces eager to play, and also because they boosted our numbers by a third on an inexplicably sparse holiday turnout.

The Easter Bunny apparently had better things to do. So did the guy whose name is literally Joe Easter. Come to think of it, how come I’ve never seen them in the same room together? Hmmmm...

PS plotted, bickered and Jeromed its way to victory on the strength of its never-give-up attitude. Amber, who had never previously played (and had only shown up once before, as the official non-stop sideline texter of that particular game), made an auspicious debut, scoring a touchdown and a two-point conversion. She was also an effective decoy, often succeeding in the monumental task of getting the McHammer defense to turn its attention from Jerome. She provided the short game that made the long plays possible. It was also fun to watch her and QB dad Jack occasionally differ on playbook philosophy (by which I mean, feud hilariously).

Also, the PS defense was like Rick Astley in never giving up. Jerome netted not one, but two pick-2s on conversion attempts. At least Ian plowed behind him, forcing Jerome to earn those four points. Heh. Ian also deflected numerous passes intended for Jerome, straddling the pass-interference envelope in many cases, but even a bad day for Jerome is still better than a good day for most NFL receivers.

On McH’s side of the ball, Tina flourished with a touchdown, a PAT and an impressive long-bomb catch from Travis that set up a crucial late score. She also had a pivotal block that allowed Travis to go the distance. On defense, she dropped people to the ground more than once, sometimes throwing herself down in the process. I can only hope all of SOFA learns from her dedicated example.

Travis, a former Missouri State defensive end playing in his second SOFA game, notched multiple touchdowns, including a majestic tiptoe grab that resembled a hybrid of Riverdance and the Ickey Shuffle. When the straightness of your field’s boundaries are sketchy to begin with, foot control is of utmost importance.

Ian also scored a bunch of touchdowns. But you knew that already. Yawn. Probably his best was one that he called on defense, in the PS red zone: “Pick six, right here,” which is exactly what happened. Boom goes the dynamite.

By the way, if anyone wants to sponsor our red zones, that would totally defray the mounting cost of new flags. And grow your brand’s exposure and other assorted jargon.

Game balls:

Democratic play of the game: Tina snapped to Ian, who then found Travis in the end zone for a touchdown. It was the first known play in SOFA history that involved every player on a team touching the ball for the score. And by “known,” I mean that I've noticed. It’s actually not that difficult to get every player on a three-player team to touch pigskin. For all I know, PS did it too. What was my point again?

Glad you asked: Though I wrote down numerous highlights immediately after the game, I apparently didn’t feel the need to jot down the score. Fortunately, Stephanie had asked me about it on Facebook, so the tally was preserved for all time in my reply. Thanks, Stef! I’ll bet you’re glad you stayed home this past week.

Self-indulgent possible non-trend of the week: According to SOFA records, Ian has not been on the winning team since Jan. 17. Of course, the Super Bowl Sunday game record is forever lost to laziness, so I might have won that day. But I don’t think I did. And anyway, it’s felt like a long time, dammit. I sure have gotten soft since my Super Bowl victory.

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