I went to the mall today. I never go to the mall.
Stopped by a crowded Borders to get Sports Illustrated. SI picks the Saints to win it all, yet has Peyton Manning on the cover. No respect.
Guy in front of me in line to cashier: "Is the new Sarah Palin book out yet?"
Hippie-chick cashier: "No, it's out next Tuesday." She's got this down by now.
Inaudible conversation. Then, guy says, "Runnin' for president in 2012." I don't bother to glimpse clerk's reaction.
I pay for my magazine. I consider asking jokingly about Sarah Palin, but decide against it. People in the heartland aren't always as they look. And even if she actually is a hippie chick, she'd probably take me seriously. Can't have that. Anyway, the look in her eyes suggests weariness. At this point in her shift, she's probably cursing Gutenberg in her head.
As I leave, I hear the guy behind me ask, "Do you have the new Sarah Palin book?" He rhymes "Palin" with "pallin'," as in with the terrorists, which makes me almost laugh out loud. I bail before I make a well-deserved scene.
Another thing I noticed is that the cashiers were asking every customer if they wanted to donate to a particular charity. The people asking for the Sarah Palin book were declining. They didn't even ask me. They may have mistaken me for a recipient. Or one of those. Harsh.
On my way out, I stop in the men's room, which is equipped with a supercharged hand-dryer. A panel on the dryer explains how it saves energy and paper waste, and gives quick stats on each. On this dryer someone has written, in adolescent cursive, "All Gore bull shit."
I wanted to write, "Your spelling is bull shit" or something equally dorky yet zingy, but I didn't have a pen. Also, many of the guys in the bathroom looked like potential teabaggers and I didn't want to arouse their ire.
I think I'll go back to Borders Tuesday, to truly get the gist of rogue-going. And then, a few days later, I think I'll hit the library, because there's no way I'm buying that book, even if it does give the last one a run for its money.
I audaciously hope so, anyway.