Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Rule #142: A Real Card of a Report
The only thing worth reporting about a report commissioned by the insurance industry that says a public option is a bad idea, is how comically worthless such a thing is. Gee, the private insurance industry opposes the formation of a public insurance plan? What a shocker! In other news, Dick Cheney wants to drill, drill, drill! And the sky is blue, at least until the drilling, drilling, drilling.

Hey, conservatives: you know how much you've professed to hate special interests all these years? Well, as misguided as that sentiment has been in a number of cases, you've got it nailed on the health care issue. Health insurance companies are about as special-interest as they come! And that interest does not involve YOU. It's past time to take that distrust of the government and hone in on where it really belongs.

Rule #143: Fleet feet meet street meat
If you're a trio of slow walkers on a three-lane indoor track, you do not need to flank out into all three lanes. The runners behind you might not appreciate such a thing. Yes, this is one of those rules. Sorry!

Rule #144: Rushian Revelations
Conservatives can rewrite the Bible. Hell, they already have their own parallel faiths, TV networks and pop culture, so this is the next logical step. Anyway, it's not as if they haven't already been rewriting the Good Book for decades.

I, for one, would read a Conservative Bible (King Beck Version?). It would be no MAD magazine, but you can never have enough laughs in your day.

Rule #145: No Nobel Bull
No more Nobel jokes. "I want peace, love and crabs. Where's my Nobel Peace Prize?" "I'm not George W. Bush either! Where's mine?" "I watched a college football game. Do I win the Heisman Trophy?" WE. GET. IT. ALREADY.

There's a sensible case to be made that President Obama didn't deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. We may or may not agree on the points, but it's out there. Personally, I see both sides. I can understand why some would find it unseemly that a president received it so soon after taking office. Or that he shouldn't get it when two wars still rage. Or that it was a reactionary shot at George W. Bush. But I can also understand that Obama's already had a profound effect on world relations just by being elected, and that the Nobel committee has stated that the award has activist roots as much as roots in past works. Let's talk about that for once, please?

Incidentally, it's not in anyone's best interest to pretend it's easy to earn a Nobel Peace Prize. Because if it IS so easy, why don't you have one? You see? Painted yourself in a corner. Possibly an accurate corner, but a corner nonetheless.

Rule #146: Notforthe Fuzzball League
Rush Limbaugh's failure to buy the St. Louis Rams merits me taking back everything bad I ever said about the NFL. The Rams deserve to win this week. Not just because of the stand against Rush, but because the Jacksonville Jaguars sat out one of my best fantasy players over a curfew violation. Now THAT sounds like some zero-tolerance policy crud Rush would just love!

The rest of the rules

1 comment:

NOLA Progressive said...

This just in... A cattle farmers consortium conducted a study that verifies vegetarianism is fatal, Shell and Exxon release findings that solar panel arrays cause brain cancer, and the Glenn Beck consortium released a stunning case study that states facts lead to tinfoil hats! Groundbreaking information here.

Oh and in a similar note I almost blew my stack when I logged onto my Fantasy page and saw Sims-Walker flagged as Out. I feel your pain.