Wednesday, July 29, 2009

This dialogue took place

Setting: Leninaghdad, Czechoslonesiaran, August 1961.

Bad Guy: "We must take power in the White House to spread our agenda."

Another Bad Guy: "What is our agenda, again?"

BG: "Socialism! Also, fascism. We are out to create a state where the people are entirely dependent on the government, to the point where the government is their religion. Also, Islam."

ABG: "How will we go about that?"

BG: "By insisting on taxing the rich at a top rate of 39 percent."

ABG: "Harsh! But, wait a minute. It's 1961. The top rate in the U.S. is 91 percent."

BG: "Yes, but by the time our plan comes to fruition, the top rate will be 35 percent, and the move to 39 percent will seem like a horrifying redistribution of wealth."

ABG: "My lack of real God! That's a drastic decrease. How long is our plan going to take?"

BG: "Forty-seven years."

ABG: "Wha?"

Third Bad Guy: "Let me take it from here, Bad Guy. You see, we thought about selecting someone near U.S. presidential age who we could groom to fit in with American society, and be seen as prime leadership material. It shouldn't be too hard: give some Italian guy a crew cut and hook him up with a mediocre dialect coach, teach him to say the Pledge of Allegiance. Then we'll falsify some citizenship documents for him, which won't be hard, because it's 1961 and they still hand-write a lot of that stuff. Simple times we live in. Also, we would get him some prime media coverage on that one newscast they show on TV for 30 minutes a day. In no time flat, he'd be the president, a man everyone trusts unequivocally, and then he could do all of our evil Commieslamofascist bidding from within."

ABG: "And then we could take control of the U.S.?"

TBG: "Hell, no. Who wants that?"

BG: "The point here is to get the citizens to pay more taxes and be a slave to the U.S. government."

TBG: "Actually, we want them to pay less taxes, but think they're paying more. Makes the outrage all that more poignant."

ABG: "Sounds good. Times have never been riper for such an American political invasion."

BG: "Exactly. That's why we're waiting until 2008."

ABG: "How come?"

BG: "Because this random black infant we picked needs time to mature."

TBG: "But not too much time. Want to see him?"

ABG: "Adorable! What's his name?"

BG: "Barack Hussein Soetoro."

ABG: "Isn't that name obviously un-American?"

TBG: "That was a concern, yes. So we decided to go with another name that could fly under the radar. Barack Hussein Obama."

BG: "Obama! Sounds like Alabama! Everyone knows blacks are popular there."

TBG: "And - get this - his mother is a white woman from Kansas. He's got both black and white blood, so all of America will love him, just as they do his interracial parents."

ABG: "Sounds bulletproof. So will Kansas be his falsified birthplace?"

BG: "Absolutely not. We're going with that new state, Hawaii. The one far from the mainland, that used to be its own kingdom."

TBG: "Remember, we're shooting for heartland values here. If we went with Kansas, it would be too obvious. People would be suspicious."

BG: "And given that the influence of the press is likely to increase as time goes by, potentially foiling our plan, we need as little suspicion as possible."

TBG: "And we're hoping that, by then, not only will it be acceptable for a black man to be president of the United States, but that our little baby Barack will win at the exact moment we need him to be president for our nefarious scheme."

ABG: "Is there any special reason that baby Barack would ever have aspirations for presidential leadership?"

BG: "Not especially. For all we know, he could become a teenage drug user, a basketball star or a community organizer later in life. Maybe all three."

TBG: "But there's also no reason for him not to be president. Aside from all the strings we're illegally pulling, of course."

ABG: "What if he fails to win the election? Do we have a backup plan?"

TBG: "We're also cultivating one John McCain. But, meh. We liked that he was born in Panama, but he already has 25 years of experience as an American. He's white and a potential war hero, so we doubt we could make much nefarious headway with him."

BG: "He's definitely our Plan B, if you catch my drift."

TBG: "We've learned from McCain that American education is outstanding, but it doesn't suit our ends very well. So we'll school Obama in a Jakarta madrassa."

ABG: "Won't that sort of educational background worry Americans?"

BG: "Naah. Americans are sophisticated people. They send their children to Christian schools in droves, so they'll be completely trusting of an educated black man from another land and religion. You know, melting pot and all that."

ABG: "Any drawbacks to our plan?"

TBG: "That the sheer flawlessness of it will cause Obama to be such a perfect (and perfectly timed) U.S. foil for our White House operation that he may turn into an actual good guy."

BG: "You gotta admit, we covered all the bases with this one. In no time, we'll have crushed the great patriotic Satan United States with our little baby here! Well, give or take 48 years."

ABG: "Fair enough. So, just one more question..."

BG: "Yeah?"

ABG: "What on Earth makes you think there's any logic to this at all?"

BG: "Duh! We're barbarians!"

ABG: "Ah."

1 comment:

Jim said...

The illuminati no doubt, they are the only ones who could coordinate that plan! I'm sure they also infiltrated the Hawaii Vital Statistics office and had their agent issue that fake birth certificate.
Once they burn his British and Indonesian passports all incriminating evidence will be removed, and he can go about his real business of making the U.S. an Islamic theocracy.