Monday, July 27, 2009

A birther bonanza

Prompted by the latest wave of Obama birth certificate BS (and an oddly appropriate rerun of King of the Hill, in which Hank discovers he was actually born in New York City), I fished out my own birth certificate. You know, just to see if I was born and all. What I discovered shocked me.

First off, it says, "Certificate of Live Birth." Well, that's not a proper Birth Certificate, is it? It's a Certificate of Live Birth! That's different.

Second, it says I was born at Lafayette General Hospital in Lafayette, Louisiana. That hospital is now known as Lafayette General Medical Center. I smell a coverup. (Furthermore, the hospital's address is listed as 134 Hospital Drive, which has to be made up.)

Third, though the original certificate was filed on May 16, 1980, eight days after my birth (itself a fishy delay), the copy I have is dated March 4, 1983. What sort of sinister conspiracy could have taken place within those three years? The mind boggles!

Fourth, I have no proof that news of my birth ever appeared in my local newspaper. That's mostly a matter of not having looked for it, but STILL.

And finally, this entire document was prepared, signed and notarized WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. Damn those dastardly government registrars!

I guess I'll never be able to run for president, because there's no way this will pass muster or - wait, I'm white? Oh. Never mind.

7 comments:

herb said...

Birthers are idiots that most conservatives shun, unlike liberals and their embracing of 9-11 Truthers for the past 8 years.

Ian McGibboney said...

My, haven't you been in defensive mode lately! First Sarah Palin and now the birthers. If in fact neither of these rank among conservative favorites, then why do they both continue to enjoy legitimacy among so many at the front of the conversation with such people as Rep. John Campbell, Rush Limbaugh, Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck? Is Liz Cheney too much of a lesbian to matter? You don't get to disown them just because they embarrass you, Herb.

As for the 9/11 Truthers, they're a largely libertarian/contrarian/hipster collection of clowns with a weak, often-conflicting arguments that lose all credibility with a few minutes of scrutiny. The only people who take them seriously are themselves. And they're a very minuscule fraction of the populace.

Which the birther movement may be as well. But it's hard to tell, because it seems to be the only thing conservatives seem to be talking about, besides how to defeat health care reform for political gain. I guess that's the impression you give off when you have nothing affirmative to say.

herb said...

They're "talking about it" because it's ridiculous and so are they. While there is a very small population of idiots that follow this birther nonsense I have my doubts that it's idiotic tendrils will go as deep as the Truther movement went in liberal circles. I seem to recall marchers numbering in the thousands demanding THE TRUTH about jews and Bush conspiring to kill Americans. I seriously doubt this douche movement will come close to that level of saturation within our ranks.

Ian McGibboney said...

That's not the impression I get at all. There's a lot of that typical Republican tactic going on, where leaders and respected (so to speak) pundits bring up an issue and, while not straight-up endorsing it, not exactly denying it either (though some are still actively pushing it). If they really wanted to put this to rest, all of these politicians and commentators could get together and say unequivocally, "Barack Obama is a citizen of the United States. Any scandal over his birth certificate was addressed and debunked long ago, and continuing to obsess over this issue is costing us support and wasting our time." Even Ann Coulter, to her credit, is distancing herself from this. But it's going to take more than that, and the non-denials being spoken on TV, to give this tired non-issue a rest.

And again, the 9/11 Truthers aren't liberals. They blame practically everyone in the world for being complicit in the coverup, and will bite the head off a liberal as fast as off a conservative (just ask Matt Taibbi). If I articulated my belief that Bush had nothing to do with the attacks to these people, they'd piss on me as quickly as they'd piss on you, Herb.

herb said...

If they really wanted to put this to rest, all of these politicians and commentators could get together and say unequivocally, "Barack Obama is a citizen of the United States.

For someone who probably reads Huffington Post religiously I'm surprised you missed this:

Resolution Proclaiming Hawaii Obama's Birthplace Passes House Unanimously.

You can claim that Truthers aren't true liberals all you want, all I know is that liberals let them into their websites and marches with little to no opposition. You may secretly think they're morons but you gladly accept them into your ranks to make your grassroots movement and marches appear larger. You can't say the same about birthers. When even a far far far right ideologue like Ann Coulter says they are kooks you know they are on the farthest fringe they could be on.

Ian McGibboney said...

When even Ann Coulter's words aren't enough to kill this issue, you know it's a serious obsession.

The difference between the truthers and the birthers is that truthers aren't in the halls of Congress or front and center on TV. They're where they belong, making questionable YouTube videos and getting thrown out of Bill Maher's audience.

And if you're going to talk marches, I'll grant you that left-leaning marches are often mishmashes of conflicting and/or fringe issues. In that respect, the right is definitely better at protesting, because their extremist issues are right upfront in misspelled English.

NOLA Progressive said...

I wonder if this is so fringe, will the Republican base shun Glenn Beck now? I mean if they don't embrace this type of lunacy then they should certainly shun a pundit who parrots it.