Saturday, June 13, 2009

How well do you know me?

1) Which if the following songs did I not dance to on July 3, 1988?
a) "Can't You Hear My Heartbeat" by Herman's Hermits
b) "Rock This Town" by Stray Cats
c) "Mother-In-Law" by Ernie K-Doe
d) "Wishing Well" by Terence Trent D'Arby

2) Which movie did I not see in the theater?
a) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
b) Roxanne
c) Slumdog Millionaire
d) Reality Bites

3) Which of these favorite foods of mine did I hate until I was 11?
a) Pizza
b) Grapes
c) Chicken
d) Hamburgers

4) What hit movie featured a scene shot two blocks away from my childhood home, while I was still living there?
a) Steel Magnolias
b) Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
c) The Waterboy
d) The Apostle

5) What crazy event happened the day I moved to Springfield?
a) The New Orleans Saints got robbed of a Super Bowl appearance by a 17th-rate-but-lucky Chicago Bears team who would not have stood a chance were it not for the frozen tundra that is Soldier Field and Reggie Bush acting like a cocky child after a long TD, thus galvanizing the Bears into making it into the lamest Super Bowl ever
b) Anna Nicole Smith died
c) I got called to jury duty in Lafayette
d) Astronaut Lisa Nowak put on a diaper and drove from Houston to Orlando in an attempt to kidnap the girlfriend of her fellow astronaut lover

6) What day did I join Facebook?
a) July 1, 2004
b) September 15, 2006
c) May 8, 2007
d) June 5, 2005

7) What taken-for-granted instrument did my former truck lack?
a) Radio faceplate
b) Functioning high-beams
c) That soft piece on the cab ceiling that keeps rain from sounding like gunfire
d) All of the above, plus a wheel rim that I shredded and windows I moved up and down with suction cups

8) Where did I go on my very first date?
a) Dinner and a Movie... on TBS, because I was poor
b) Checkers
c) A very riveting custody trial
d) A matinee showing of Naked Gun 33 1/3, followed by a romantic interlude at the arcade to play Mortal Kombat

9) In sixth grade, I filled out a questionnaire for a teacher asking what I was going to do with my life. My response was, "Chances are 80 percent I'll..." what?
a) Be a blogger.
b) Open up McGibboney Chrysler-Pontiac-Saturn-Hummer.
c) Live a neurotic life where my wanderlust is so intense and my interests so varied that, even in the face of significant career success, I will never be truly satisfied.
d) Play Major League Baseball.

10) What did that teacher write in my Memories book at the end of the year?
a) "Oh, the Places You'll Go! Far, far away from this classroom."
b) "Have a great summer! I know I will!"
c) "You know that performance of 'Heart of Rock N Roll' you did for all the girls in the class? There will come a time when you will be too self-conscious to do that. Probably."
d) "Keep up your optimism. It's priceless."

11) Why did I refuse to field that easy grounder in tee-ball that one time?
a) It just looked that way because I was terrible at tee-ball
b) The grass! The pretty, pwetty gwass!
c) I seized up at the sight of the scout looking to shore up his U-7 Duck Duck Goose squad
d) I was mad that they put "Jan" on my jersey instead of "Ian"

12) What caused the scar on my chin?
a) I was saving a drowning infant nun being mugged in an alley when I got struck by a fistful of brass dollars
b) I accidentally twitched during my daily punch of awesome
c) One very tricky bowling stance
d) Ran the wrong route as a free safety at football practice and got clocked by the head of an offensive lineman who later went to Hollywood and appeared on The Drew Carey Show and Subway ads

13) Which of the following '80s celebrities e-mailed me and said my blog was hilarious?
a) Wil Wheaton of Stand By Me and Star Trek: The Next Generation
b) Victoria Jackson of SNL
c) Danny Wood of New Kids on the Block
d) Marty Ross of the New Monkees

14) Which of the following did I pledge to invent as a precocious child?
a) Digital animal crackers
b) A pacifier that lets you pacify with dignity
c) Computers that can fly!
d) Cable radio

15) How many languages do I speak and what are they?
a) Two - English and French
b) Three - English, French and Spanish
c) Four - English, French, Spanish and German
d) Eleven - English, Southern Redneck Boomhauer English, French, Cajun French, Nawlins Yat English, Pretentious Grad Student English, Midwest English, German Swears, Political BS, Football and Workplace

16) What smell do I associate with "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits?
a) The aroma from a microwave oven
b) The Freon-fresh smell of a new refrigerator
c) The new color-TV smell
d) Turpentine

17) When did my grandfather's last driver's license expire?
a) Jan. 17, 1963
b) Feb. 10, 1990
c) He never had one
d) Sept. 18, 2001

18) Whose portrait has my dad not painted?
a) My mom
b) My great aunt flipping the finger
c) Mel Gibson and him together in full Braveheart costume
d) Barack Obama in red, white and blue with "HOPE" underneath (Dammit!!)

19) Which of these jobs have I not had?
a) Peanuts guy at hockey games
b) Spot as a superhero in a TV commercial
c) Videographer for a semipro football team
d) DJ

20) How hard do you want to slap me after taking this quiz?
a) Hard
b) Very hard
c) Really, unbelievably freaking hard
d) It's not you, Ian. It's me.

25 comments:

Tjenkins said...

good gravy you're boring

Ian McGibboney said...

Got a zero, didn't you? How appropriate.

Tjenkins said...

I fell asleep half way through. You need to learn the art of quality over quantity when it comes to writing.

Ian McGibboney said...

I wish you'd have stayed asleep.

TJenkins said...

Even your weak burns are boring.

Ian McGibboney said...

Clearly, your life is so exciting that you have time to tell me repeatedly how boring I am. Surely you have a hobby or something?

Tjenkins said...

I do, thanks for asking.

Anonymous said...

McGibboney, have you ever felt the touch of a female other than your mother?

Ian McGibboney said...

This quiz fared a lot better on Facebook. Here, it's been like one of those gnat traps.

Tutankamen said...

I bet your mom passed with flying colors, did she yell down to the basement for you when she was stumped?

I like the new required login, pussy. I guess it's better than that coward Michael though who doesn't even approve comments unless they totally agree with him.

musing said...

Aww, poor Teej is feeling unloved today and wants a little validation from people he claims to hate.

Sorry, dude, you bloviate on your own dime: damned if I'm paying to store your bilge on my site.

Ian McGibboney said...

Teej, I see you couldn't sign up for an account fast enough.

You REALLY want this, don't you?

TJENKINS said...

Ah Mike, you would think if you actually believed the shit you typed you would welcome debate, but sadly you're too much of a coward and pussy to allow adverse opinions to pierce your echo chamber. You'll die sad, alone and full of hate.

As for you Ian, I thought about using my normal google account I've had for years, but I know this is only an attempt to extract usable intel against anyone that dares question you, so you'll get messages from a blank account.

Ian McGibboney said...

Teej, this wouldn't be an issue on either Mike's or my blog if you ever had a serious opinion on anything. But all you do is harass us. It's useless. And your efforts to hide all accountability is cowardly of the highest order.

TJENKINS said...

Why Ian, why do you demand to know so much about me? According to your own words you despise Republicans with every fiber of your being, so why do you care so much about me?

Ian McGibboney said...

I don't care about you. But neither you, nor anyone else, has a right to berate someone you don't know personally, repeatedly, behind an anonymous handle.

And your insinuation that I somehow want to retaliate against you is laughable. Like you're the one who's being harassed. Go away.

TJENKINS said...

Oh listens to the violins, poor Ian is being BESIEGED!

Ian, I've made this blog more interesting in 2 weeks than you did in 5 years.

Looking through your old posts/comments it seems you have a big hard on for stamping out evil anonymous commenters...yet the feature always gets turned back on. Why is that?

Ian McGibboney said...

Your input has only resulted in pissing matches. One decent comment isn't worth 54 of yours. I'd rather have some writing I can be proud of up here, with a few smart comments, then your endless harassment.

TJENKINS said...

Whoa whoa whoa, you're proud of the drivel you write here?

I seriously thought a 14 year old wrote this site the first time I visited.

musing said...

I have a different definition for debate, Teej. Yours seems to involve insisting that I let you spew whatever random unrelated bullshit you feel like letting leak out of your few remaining neurons whenever you feel like it. Mine, on the other hand, involves a reasoned exchange of relevant opinions backed up by facts in some kind of logical relationship to one another. When you start being capable of that, perhaps I'll reconsider your banning. Until then, you can suck it.

TJENKINS said...

Spoken like a true, head in the sand liberal. You're a shitstain Mike, and you'll never amount to anything. You'll die a bitter, angry old man without anyone ever having loved him and no one caring that you wasted away in pool of your own filth and bile. You can keep your shitty, barely read echo chamber all to yourself, you're the only one that cares about it.

Ian McGibboney said...

But, but Michael, how could you censor someone who calls you a shitstain? That's not what the First Amendment is about!

TJENKINS said...

He can do it because he's a coward and fears anyone piercing the reality he's constructed around himself. I'm sure he considers DU a paragon of democratic debate.

musing said...

Wow, Teej, that's quite a load of projection you just hurled there. And for the record, I've never been on DU. Bet you can't make the same claim about Little Green Snotballs, eh?

As to the First Amendment, Ian, as you and I both know (but Teej probably doesn't), that only protects him against actions by the government. As private individuals, you and I can do what we want. I'm sure it would surprise Teej to no end to know that I have quite a number of conservative friends with whom I can have pleasant, reasoned discussions. It's a great pity there aren't more of their kind, and fewer of his.

TJENKINS said...

Do you even know what projection means, fatass?