Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Rules of questionable taste

Rule #80: Meth Blab
Let people buy all the Sudafed they want. If someone buys crates of the stuff, let that be probable cause and go after them. Otherwise, people should be able to buy a package or two without forcing them to surrender their personal info to a logbook. It's slow, tedious and pointless, and does nothing to curb the increasing crystal meth epidemic in this country (Ever heard of smurfing?). But the practice may curb sales to people who actually want to use it for its intended purpose.

Screw it; I'm being too specific here. I should actually broaden this rule to say, "Stop making the good suffer for the bad!!!" Of course, that's so succinct that I'd have nothing to write about for the rest of my life. And then I'd bored. And broke. And I'd have to start a recession-proof business to make ends meet. Anyone know of a cheap enterprise with a ravenous clientele and only a slight risk of death by explosion?

Rule #81: Golden Terra-chute
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney don't deserve retirement. They should have to work until they suffer strokes, just like the rest of us will have to do. Forget trying them for war crimes; take away their ill-gained fortunes and subject them to this job market! Let them see firsthand the effects of high payroll taxes, job insecurity, Medicare cuts and - however technically in Bush's case - the decimated VA system. Many U.S. citizens have struggled for decades, but the naked contempt for the poor and middle class under Bush-Cheney has brought with it a particular measure of detachment. Even if they learn nothing from the experience - and they probably wouldn't - then they'd at least see how the general public lives for the first time in their pampered, arrogant lives. And they'd finally have something to share with regular folk over that delusionally metaphorical beer.

Just make sure the jobs don't require heavy lifting, open flames or reading. Safety first!

Rules archive

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