Wednesday, March 18, 2009

All the favorite subjects and bugaboos

Rule #76: Love It or Leave It
Since conservatives hate government so much, they have to get out of it. Ronald Reagan is famous for saying that "government is the problem," and Republicans have spent the past 28 years proving it with their policies. Why they continue to push so hard to lead an entity they so openly despise is anybody's guess, but now is the perfect time to reverse that. So, conservatives, you think the private sector is more efficient at solving the world's problems? Fine! Go and prove it! Resign your bloated bureaucratic seats and bootstrap yourself with a fledgling business. Show us the true virtue of the unfettered capitalistic spirit, and why conservative principles will save the day, one dollar at a time. Leave the government for the liberals to screw up.

That way, when your greed inevitably consumes you and your business needs a bailout, there will be plenty of money in the U.S. Treasury, and plenty of liberals to hate as they save you from yourself. Again.

Rule #77: Exit, Stage Right
Ron Silver was a flip-flopper. Conservatives are so preoccupied with lionizing tributes to the late actor that they've forgotten that they're supposed to hate that. John Kerry was torn on funding for the Iraq war, and for that the GOP painted him as utterly unprincipled. But guys like Silver and Dennis Miller can go Jekyll-Hyde on their entire belief systems, and that's just A-OK? So much for staying the course! It's almost as if the GOP doesn't really care that someone flip-flops if it works in their favor, and aren't particularly concerned that some of their most vocal advocates proudly base their beliefs on blind anger. After all, what counts is that they play the part. Like all good actors.

Rule #78: Don't Call Her Daughter
Meghan McCain has a mind of her own. Deal with it. She voted for John Kerry in 2004; of course she's going to loathe Ann Coulter! Maybe instead of discounting Meghan's youth appeal and apparently multidimensional beliefs, Republicans could learn a lesson from them. But they won't, because that would be an acknowledgment that Sarah Palin somehow isn't perfect. And Sarah Palin is the future!

Rule #79: Spare the Divining Rod
Churches have no one but themselves to blame for the rapidly declining number of Americans who identify with Christianity. It's perhaps no accident that this downward trend comes as the Bush administration mixed religion and politics like few before it. Also telling is that of those aligning with Christianity, more are identifying themselves as fundamentalist and/or born-again. So it makes sense that Americans are feeling ever more turned-off by what is increasingly becoming a front for extremist practices and right-wing politics. They figure there's more to morality than the paradoxical notion of spreading the word by alienating its target audience.

Spoiler alert: yes.

So I'd opine that it's not that Americans are turning away from Jesus; they're turning away from Christianity. These days, there's a huge difference.

Rules archive

1 comment:

rhonda said...

we are friends because you can literally make my jaw drop, implant an awesome pearl jam song in my head, AND stick it to (among others who deserve it) ann coulter aaall in the same blog.

god. that jpg is !!!!!