Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Ah, spring...time for football!

Chris Brewer is out in Oregon not on assignment, so this week the Personal Ian McGibboney Press will continue his tradition of detailed recaps of our Sunday football games. A little late, perhaps, but that makes the heart grow fonder. Or something.

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. (PIMP) - Amid the dreary vicissitude that is a Midwestern winter, a warm and windy gameday greeted the Springfield Open Football Association. The conditions opened up Kickapoo High School to some of the best all-around gameplay of the SOFA season, with a 56-54 win by Red that came down to the final play.

The Red Team, consisting of Ian, Jerome, Pete and Matt, played through considerable injury. Ian was back after a week behind the camera due to a shoulder injury; Pete hobbled part of the time on his ankle; Matt's knee continued to throb; and Jerome had his pride hurt after dropping a long bomb in double coverage. He doesn't usually do that.

The Yellow Team comprised Jack, Bethany, Kurk and Jeff. They failed to score much early on, but made up for it in the second half with 14 unanswered points.

In the first half, Jeff and Jack batted several Red passes. Bethany held her own with several key blocks on defense. Nevertheless, Jerome continued his mastery of the long pass, making big scores for Red and putting Red ahead 20-6 at one point. Matt made numerous key catches as well. The half ended when Kurk intercepted a Red pass. He didn't make it far, because Red is awesome and took a 26-14 lead into halftime.

The second half was a triple helping of score sandwich - or, as Jack put it after the game, "a statistical madhouse." Ian caught a long TD pass from Pete in the left-hand corner, successfully juking a fleet-footed Jack for the six. Yellow answered right back with a stunning Jack-to-Bethany touchdown. Not to be outdone, Red responded to that with another Pete-to-Ian TD. Taking their turn, Yellow hammered back with an 80-yard kickoff return for TD by Kurk. Then Jack-to-Jeff scored on Yellow's next possession, successfully (and finally) out-juking Ian with the trademark Jeff Juke.

Yellow's final score came on a TD pass from Jack to Kurk. Ian blocked the pass, but deflected it right into Kurk's outstretched hands. This has happened before, and resulted in Ian's repeated defiance of the no-profanity rule. No penalty was levied for the infraction, because everyone does it. Ian did redeem himself on the conversion attempt, by deflecting an identical pass but toward the ground this time.

"He always had trouble with that," Ian's family said in a statement. "He needs help."

For the most part, Red kept up with the scoring, but the stats are less clear. Probably because touchdowns were so common for Red. Yellow's near-comeback, on the other hand, was remarkable in its uniqueness.

Electing to onside-kick - which in SOFA is done like a jump ball in basketball - Yellow regained possession. Red not only lost the ball, but teammate Matt lost a contact lens. Everyone bent down to look for it while advancing slowly in a circle, a sight witnesses likened to "a moving Stonehenge of flag-draped sadness." The lens was not found, despite Ian's past success in finding a contact lens that had fallen off the top of a stadium, and is believed to have since perished in the elements.

It's worth noting at this point that Bethany would have scored at least twice more if Ian hadn't not given up the pursuit both times and stopped her right at the endzone. Currently, women who score in SOFA net nine points for a touchdown. Some players plan to appeal the rule next week, arguing that the league needs sexual equality (and also that they're as good as any of the guys, and sometimes better).

I also think there should be a cleats subsidy to put everyone on equal footing. Er, I mean, some of the players in the league think that.

Red and Yellow will face off again next Sunday at 2 p.m. CDT. Plenty of good seats still available. If you see a full-contact shirts-vs.-skins match on the practice field, that isn't us. That was us 10 years ago.

Notable stat: Chris Brewer had a perfect record in the game, not registering a single fumble and going a perfect 0-for-0 in scoring attempts. His no-interception streak remains intact.

1 comment:

They call me Mr. Tibbs! said...

Glad you guys had fun, the games always seem to end up competitive no matter who faces off against whom.