Monday, January 05, 2009

Sarah Palin: Conservative of the Year!

Yes, apparently Ann Coulter and I agree on something; Sarah Palin was indeed the Conservative of the Year for 2008. She exemplifies everything horrible about today's GOP, whether in the form of its empty Christian rhetoric, its obsession with appearances or the contempt for intelligence that both the party and its followers share. This weekend, I saw my first "Palin 2012" bumper sticker. My immediate reaction was, "Ewww." My second reaction was, "Where can I get one?"

I generally ignore Ann Coulter's rhetorical gonorrhea. After all, her entire shtick (both in print and on the air) is to bully people rather than than lap-dance within a city block of a fact. But I couldn't ignore this pro-Palin screed, because it's just that good at being bad. And also because it's completely revealing of the current conservative mind-set.

In short, Sarah Palin is the future of the Republican Party because:

1) She drives liberals crazy. Just like Ann Coulter!

2) By questioning Palin's religion, the media exposed themselves as hypocrites. Why couldn't they have held Barack Obama to the same level of intense religious scrutiny?

3) The Maverick Nominee was a bad choice, so the antidote was another maverick. Picked by the Maverick Nominee who everyone saw as a bad choice. Or something.

4) Palin's lack of support among feminists, pro-choicers, environmentalists and women in general shows how sexist they all are.

5) Yes, Palin didn't have a passport until 2007. But that's 'cause she's one of us, and we've got all the malls we need right here in Murrika!

6) She's got guns! That's hot.

7) And so is she! Unlike your garden-variety ugly, prissy Democrat woman, Sarah Palin is attractive. And so are her children. And the media hated this, as evidenced by their love for the Obama family.

8) Despite all of this, Palin did run too soon. She is not ready, but we knew she and John McCain wouldn't win anyway. Despite everything we said at the time. And just now.

9) Still, Palin gave the failing GOP ticket a chance. At least until it failed.

For a party so sure of its own moral certainty, the GOP sure likes to base its candidates on how much they irritate the opposition (and perceived opposition, such as the corporate media) rather than on any actual issues. For that, they deserve to lose. And badly.

Palin 2012!

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