Thursday, January 15, 2009

Rules about Bush and printers

Rule #56: A no-popularity contest
The idea of not compromising your principles for the sake of popularity is not noble when you're the goddamn president. Last I checked, presidents were charged specifically with representing the people of the United States. And while that certainly doesn't mean caving in to a majority-mob mentality, it also doesn't mean you do whatever you want because you know better than everyone else what's good for them (and for you). No president should ever take pride in being unpopular, especially when the so-called "principles" they defend at all costs are the sorriest, most recklessly vicious in recent history.

Rule #57: Credit crisis
If you insist on giving George W. Bush his due, at least find something deserving of due. The fact that he "held his ground" on various issues only shows that he is an inflexible hardhead. If everyone practiced that trait, no child would ever learn anything in school. Which, come to think of it, is how No Child Left Behind works.

The perceived success of the Bush administration is predicated entirely on the idea that the president must be a confrontational cowboy figure, the lead bully of a gang sporting red, white and blue bandannas, whose goal is to give the rest the world a swirlie in the Indian Ocean. Which is pathetic enough without the fact that Bush isn't even a competent bully.

Also unworthy of accolades: Bush's ability to piss off liberals; his guts/balls in invading Iraq; his courageous stand against global warming and stem-cell research; his courage of anything, convictions or otherwise; his refusal to read newspapers; his supposed similarity to any president who isn't Herbert Hoover or Warren G. Harding; his security prowess, owing to the fact that 9/11 happened only once under his watch; and, most importantly, his contempt for anyone who prizes intelligence.

We get it; among fearful narcissists who think Jesus cries when people ask questions, Bush is hands-down the best president ever. But, Georgie, when people like that are your greatest cheerleaders, it's time to give you an F.

Rule #58: Teching a crap
Technology has to throw the poor a bone once in a while. My printer will not let me print a simple black-text document, even though I have a brand-new black-ink cartridge. Why? Because the three color cartridges are dry. Sorry, jerk! But the "cannot print" window helpfully offers a button to go online and buy more color ink. How thoughtful of you, Epson! I was printing a letter telling you how much I enjoy your product, but now I'll have to address it to Kinko's instead.

Tip to businesses: Forcing me to buy more of your product to use what I just bought doesn't inspire brand loyalty; it makes you a dick and makes me want to tell everyone in America to avoid you, any of your subsidiaries and all businesses that employ your family members. And then they'll get canned and won't be able to find more work, because the only way for them to print their resumes is with your printer. Hah!

The other 55 rules

2 comments:

Nathan said...

Have you checked to see if you can force the printer to use only the black ink cartridge? Many new printers actually use both ink cartridges for black print - it makes black ink last a little longer.

To make my HP printer do that, for instance, when I print, I have to click the preferences button on the Print dialog, and then choose to print in Grayscale, Black Ink Cartridge Only. The default option for Grayscale is High Quality, which again uses the color cartridge as well.

Ian McGibboney said...

I tried that already. I did it again with really low quality, just to make sure. No, I'll have to buy the cartridges...at least, when I can afford it. What an asshole thing to do. I will not buy Epson machines in the future.