Wednesday, December 17, 2008

New Rules

Rule #53: Sole Man
OK, OK, we've discovered George W. Bush has excellent reflexes. Now give it a rest. I understand that in this time of reconciliation we're so desperate to find something redeemable about this man that the fact he has a working brain stem qualifies; but don't get carried away. After all, considering Bush has dodged so many things in his life - Vietnam, the Alabama National Guard, taxes, prison, accountability, karma in general - we should be surprised he isn't limber enough to shift shapes.

Rule #54: KKKs Say the Darnedest Things
Don't name your kids JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell and Adolf Hitler Campbell. You might as well name them Beatmeup, Blackssuck and Fuckjews. Those names would at least be more concise on the Alabama driver's licenses they're eventually going to wind up with.

Rule #55: Going Out of Business Section
Newspapers aren't going anywhere. The newspaper business might.

The rest of the rules

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