Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Jesse Jackson: "I want to cut his nuts off"

No, he wasn't talking about Bill O'Reilly, though O'Reilly is nuts. He meant Barack Obama!

Jackson has already apologized, and the Obama campaign has accepted. Jackson claims to support Obama, and I believe him. Why? Because, in a way, this is the best thing Jackson could ever do for Obama.

One of Obama's Achilles heels in this campaign, as far as ridiculous smear tactics go, is his alleged alliance with America's most outspoken black preachers (not to be confused with America's most outspoken white preachers, who are A-Otay with Republicans). It isn't enough that Obama rejected Louis Farrakhan's endorsement; what matters to the haters is that Farrakhan likes Obama. And because Farrakhan is practically Jackson, it's clear all three of them want to forge an American landscape in which racial preference is rampant, religious oppression is high and national pride is low. Much like today, but with THEM!!!

So why is Jackson's latest utterance so good for Obama? Because even far-out conservatives have to admit that it's hard to have a true Rainbow Coalition when one of them wants to cut off the other's nuts. Yes, I know that's logical, and Republicans aren't necessarily the party of logic. Which is why I see one of two things happening: either the GOP backs off of the Obama / Jackson / Farrakhan / Jeremiah Wright unholy quadrinity (ha ha, right?), or they will suddenly embrace Jackson and agree that, yes, we'd also love to cut off Obama's nuts. I can see the ad now:

Jackson footage on Fox: "I want to cut his nuts off."

Voiceover, probably Chuck Norris:
"How bad is Barack Obama? Even the distinguished Rev. Jesse Jackson, one of America's most beloved political figures, thinks Obama is unfit to run this country. We should all listen to Jesse Jackson. He's in touch with America."

John McCain:
"I'm John McCain and I approve this message."

Obama can, and must, use this to his advantage in the debates:

"Moderator" Bill O'Reilly: "Senator Obama, isn't it true that you and Jesse Jackson share the same sort of liberal, racist agenda?"

Obama: "Considering he wants to cut off my nuts, I'd say no."

[Thunderous applause and swooning]


O'Reilly: "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!"

For all his faults, Jackson has done some good things in his career (and, as viewers of Saturday Night Live know, he can really lay down Green Eggs and Ham.) This, in its own weird way, is the latest.

NOT RIGHT EXCLUSIVE! Like Carlos Mencia, Jesse Jackson is apparently a joke thief. I can't prove that for sure, but Jackson made what I thought was a very funny joke in 1984. As quoted in Paul Slansky's The Clothes Have No Emperor:



Which is why I was surprised to find this in the December 1979 issue of Springfield! magazine, under the "Whispersss" gossip section:



Nuts, huh?

2 comments:

Nick said...

I caught about 20 minutes of O'Reilly's radio show yesterday evening, and he stated that he doesn't believe this statement will hurt or help Obama.

My opinon: This is more a Jesse Jackson problem. No doubt he's got alot of jealousy in his heart. That's just natural.

Obviously, Jackson does have some real issues with Obama. Not that such problems should be an issue for those black voters who choose to support Barrack, as hopefully many of them are starting to realize that Jackson has profited off of racism, both real and drummed up forms, for decades.

John back pain Austin said...

Does this mean that Mr. Himeytown will not be in BHO's cabinet. I was not shocked by the statement, but I was surprised he ended his sentence with the preposition "off". Shouldn't it be “I want to cut off his nuts”?