Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Oh, those Republicans! Always looking ahead

No, this is not a vintage Internet banner ad from 1984, though I can completely understand why you would think so. This shirt, somehow for sale on a site other than eBay, appeals to Republicans' three favorite things ever: Reagan, Bush and 1984. Also, beautiful but non-threatening women.

I tracked down this model for an interview, only to be rebuffed numerous times. Then I told her I was with Reagan's press team and I really needed something to do because Reagan's dead and I have to earn my income somehow. She consented with considerable sympathy. Here's the transcript:

Not Right: "What's your name?"

Model: "Reagan! How cool is that?"

NR: "So, you're actually named after the former president?"

Model: "Yeppers!"

NR: "So I take it you were a little young to vote for him in 1984."

Model: "Um, yeah. I was only four at the time. But if they let 4-year-olds vote back then, I totally would've voted for him!"

NR: "So you're my age, then? Born in 1980?"

Model: "Yep, in November. A Reagan baby all the way! WOO-HOO!"

NR: "Actually, Ronald Reagan wasn't president in 1980. He was inaugurated in 1981."

Model: "Wha?"

NR: "Jimmy Carter was president when we were born."

Model: "You mean --?"

NR: "Yep. You're a Commie."

Model: "WAAAAA!!!" [Retch]

NR: "Gross." [Flicks vomit off shoes] "So who are you supporting in 2008?"

Model: "John McCain all the way! He's way more Reaganesque than Obama. Also, he's the candidate with fresh ideas."

NR: "So you like McCain because he has fresh ideas AND ideas from 1984?"

Model: "No, silly! I meant Obama. Obama's the one with fresh ideas. That's why I can't vote for him."

NR: "So you're in favor of continuing the same policies that have so far led us to seven years of economic disaster, a reduced standing in the international community and a scarier world than ever before?"

Model: "At least it's familiar! Change is scary."

NR: "That's kind of a reckless way of looking at it, don't you think?"

Model: "Let me put it this way: What kind of music do you like?"

NR: "I like a lot of classic rock and '80s New Wave. Why?"

Model: "And why do you like it so much?"

NR: "Because I grew up listening to it, and I've developed an attachment to a lot of it. It's a soundtrack for my life."

Model: "Aha! So you admit to clinging to the past! I'd think an Obama supporter like you would only have songs from 2008 on your iPod! Maybe even from 2009, hmmm, changeling?"

NR: "You got me there."

Model: "And that's all we're doing with these Reagan-Bush '84 t-shirts. You see, it's comforting for us Republicans to go back to an era when everything seemed perfect. When our president was The Great Communicator and could dominate an election with genuine wit. Or at all."

NR: "There does seem to be a certain hold-your-nose attitude toward McCain by many Republicans. I think I've seen more Reagan-Bush '84 shirts in 2008 than McCain '08 shirts. And you're the only one I've seen wearing that one. You wear it well, I will concede that."

Model: "Thank you! But yes, McCain has a reputation for being a maverick, which is why the lock-step segment of our party doesn't trust him."

NR: "My great aunt drove a Maverick. In 1984, in fact."

Model: "Cool! So she likes McCain then?"

NR: "No, she's been dead since 1992."

Model: "Did Bill Clinton have her killed?"

NR: "No. He wasn't president until 1993. Remember?"

Model: "Oh, my bad! That wouldn't make any sense at all, then."

NR: "One last question. As a conservative, a model and a woman, do you feel that people like yourself have a duty to shut up, look pretty and wash the dishes?"

Model: "...."

NR: "Thank you for your time."


Terry Troll said...

I can feel for the young lady; I got my Hillery for President shirts in the UPS (wasn't the mail) yesterday and wore one to the theater last night. I got two Amens and one dirty look.


Hathor said...

I notice the models also have larger than average breast, especially ones that have guns across their shirts.

rhonda said...

i should have read this at home so i could have freely howled at it. it's always the little things that get me- that little quip about 2009 music is going to keep getting me for the rest of the day.