Monday, June 23, 2008

Fun with press releases

Last week, as most of you know, the Midwest was absolutely blasted with floods and storms and tornadoes and whatever else makes tests of the Emergency Broadcast System redundant around here.

Having lived in Missouri for nearly a year and a half, I now understand what the late, great George Carlin meant when he said that the Midwest was "where an open window can cause death."

After about the third time in seven days that the beginning of an epic, raging thunderstorm coincided exactly with my commute to work, I began to wonder what Missouri did to deserve such violent wrath. Well, now I know the answer:

Ah, thank you, Westboro Baptist Church! I'll bet you just have a template for these things that you just fill in as the need arises, huh? Kind of like Mad Libs. How convenient!

"Hey, guys! Adjective that should be a noun!"
"Vague noun, preferably a clove-looking cigarette?"
"All right. Check this out: Worse and more is coming!"
"Ha ha ha!"
"OK, derogatory slur!"
"We're done with the press release, Fred."
"And your point is...?"

Not just worse, but "Worse and more is coming." That's pretty bad. Bad grammar, that is.

God may or may not hate Missouri, but I doubt this is why.

1 comment:

rhonda said...

ah, the WBC. inappropriately chipper fonts on hateful homemade fliers for all your defamation needs! personally, i'm totally holding out for the Curlz MT God Hates Mixed Chicks edition. :)