Sunday, January 13, 2008

Hey, Massachusetts! Was Mitt not enough?

I just saw something on the Colts-Chargers game that made me laugh.

Just before the fourth quarter, the NFL announced the winners of its annual Punt, Pass and Kick Competition for children and teenagers. Each winner represents their favorite team. When the champion in the oldest female bracket was introduced, representing the New England Patriots, the entire RCA Dome booed. In response, the girl nervously laughed. I laughed too, but not nervously. More like, belly.

Sweet lord of all that is mom and apple pie, I hate the New England Patriots. I hate them more than I hate terrorists. Why? Because terrorists occasionally get their asses kicked. This team should go to Iraq; they'd solve our little problem there in no time. But then again, the White House would rather stay in a quagmire than admit that Massachusetts had anything to offer. Besides Mitt Romney, I mean.

As I've said before, the New England Patriots represent everything that is wrong with the U.S., and the world, today: a sharp class divide; perfection via dubious means such as illegal extraction of information (in this case, by videotaping); unblinking media support; a dour, brusque leader seemingly dripping with contempt for anyone outside his tight-knit circle; several showboating, fight-picking players who drag down the class of the rest of the team; and a pervasive sentiment of ill will that transcends typical rivalries, generated by the sheer anti-climactic nature of this NFL season.

Now I understand it's just football; but it's all too easy for me to relate this to all the unlikable people and parties who have gained unparalleled (and undeserved) heights of power and glory. I say this not because I want these things for myself and my teams, but because such achievements are a startling challenge to the accepted order of the universe. At what point is karma supposed to kick in?

All I'm saying is, a little parity wouldn't hurt.

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