Wednesday, October 17, 2007

This just gave conspiracy theorists everywhere a raging - er - reason to be all conspiratorial

Barack Obama, Dick Cheney distantly related!

Take it from me - a fever dream following a grade-three concussion and only two hours of sleep is less mind-blowing than this. I just woke up, but it's entirely possible I didn't just wake up and I'm merely dreaming about blogging this. Then I'll rise for real and find something sufficiently depressing (yet believable) to blog about, like how Al Gore is too busy to run for president because he's using his power for good. Figures. Guess I am awake after all.

Once, as a teenager, I liked a girl who turned out to be my cousin by marriage, but I'd never known about her until then. Reading that Obama and Cheney are cousins is similarly nauseating. Forget the New World Order overtones - just thinking about the awkward family reunion is enough. Anyone who's been involved in political clashes at theirs knows what a pay-per-view title bout this one would be.

If I were in Dick Cheney's camp, I'd play this one up. After all, Thomas Jefferson also had some black relatives. And it's not as if the vice president will ever again be mentioned in the same breath with Jefferson. Unless the statement is, "Dick Cheney is no Thomas Jefferson."

Even better, the two are related through a common French ancestor. And Lynne Cheney was the one who figured this out. And Obama's spokesman replied by saying, "Every family has a black sheep." If this gets any juicier, it'll turn out that Obama is not only my cousin too, but was that girl I liked.

The worst part about this is that I can never again say, "That's about as likely as Barack Obama and Dick Cheney being relatives." I think I said that the other day about the Republicans' chances of winning in 2008. They must be listening to me. Conspiracy?

If there is a more extreme example of how we're all brothers on this spaceship Earth, Skull and Bones is suppressing it.

No comments: