Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Plausible alibis for David Vitter

"As someone who replaced Bob Livingston, I had a lot to live up to."

"My wife said she was like Lorena Bobbitt. And all Republicans look up to John Wayne!"

"Why do you care about my personal business when much worse stuff is happening in IraqohwhythehelldidIjustsaythatdamndamndamn..."

"I was following in the moral footsteps of Louisiana's own Jimmy Swaggart. Wait, I actually was?"

"I wanted Congress to forget even more about New Orleans than they already have."

"I did it just to prove how much more Jesus America needs."

"Hadn't everyone already figured out what was behind my dumb Quagmire grin? Giggity!"

"I already have George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Bobby Jindal, Charles Boustany, Pat Robertson and Rudy Giuliani on speed dial. What's one more whore?"

"Some called us the elite. She called us her base."

"In Louisiana, we're always taught to say, 'yes ma'am.'"

See video on the Vitter story...though that's not nearly as sexy as it sounds.

4 comments:

Nick said...

After this William Jefferson and David Vitter crap, I think for the next U.S. Congressional and Senate elections in Louisiana, instead of asking, "How will you vote on immigration, the War on Terror, abortion, taxes, etc..?", we should just ask, "Will you promise not to embarrass our state?"

It's a shame I would have to set the bar so low that I disregard political leanings, but damn.

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, that's all fair and good, but here's a philosophical question: How can one embarrass Louisiana? It seems you embarrass LA by NOT being corrupt.

Nick said...

Interesting question. I guess this year we'll find out if Louisiana voters are tired of being embarrassed and screwed by their politicians.

We'll see if they opt to clean house in the state legislature or if they simply elect to re-hire all the people who have been there for the last 10+ years.

Huck said...

Ian - Have you read the parody that the blogger Jon Swift wrote recently about Vitter? If not, you should. It's classic. Out of it, we can get one more plausible alibi: "Well, since we couldn't defend the institution of marriage with getting the FMA passed in the Senate, how the hell was I supposed to defend my heterosexual marriage from the onslaught of gay marriage. So, don't blame me! It was gay marriage, along with the lack of a FMA to the consitution, that did me in!