Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Observations about my new domicile

Most people don't know this, but I go to school up here: the School of Hard Knocks. Just yesterday I attended a class in Needing Gloves and Ice Scrapers 90. It wasn't 101-level, because I'm remedial. It's been great meeting neighbors by walking up to their cars (as a stranger wearing a wool hat and gloves) and asking if I can borrow a cutting tool. Fortunately, they see my tan and understand immediately.

--Ever seen "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"? It's exactly like that. I'm waiting for Del Griffith to turn the corner any second now.

--Missouri license plates smell good. Most plates have this weird coppery smell to them, but MO tags have a fresh scent. They also sport the motto, "Show-Me State." Coolest state motto. Ever.

--In what has been a significant awakening to my conscience, every single TV in every single public place is not tuned to Fox News. Occasionally they're locked into MSNBC.

--Being here has improved my vocabulary. While moving, the words "bureaucracy" and "convoluted" crossed my mind a lot.

--Everyone talks about Anna Nicole. All the time.

--Except when they're talking about the Dixie Chicks.

--For as long as I can remember, my dreams have always taken place in an alternate universe, with different locales, schools, parks and hangouts. Many parts of Springfield look exactly like these dreams. How about that?

--Springfield is cool. Seriously, it's like nine degrees out here right now! Oh, and it's also cool in a metaphorical sense. The people are fantastic and the experience is exciting. At this moment, I couldn't ask for more.

Except maybe for earmuffs. Got any?


ashley said...

Sounds much better than Lafayette...

And I never thought the Montana state motto was that great. Except, during Mardi Gras, there's something to be said about the "Show Me" state.

Cajun Tiger said...

Definitely buy a scarf if you haven't already...I was amazed at the difference they make when I first moved north.

oyster said...

Clearly, N.H. has the best state motto, but "the show-me state" is kinda cute too.

Actually, I've spent too much time in Mizzou. Their motto isn't "cute"; it's perfectly descriptive.

oyster said...

Visit the big Bass Pro Shop on Campbell St. It's worth a look even if you don't hunt or fish-- 300,000 sf, waterfalls, a zoo (not really)... pure heaven.

What else are ya gonna do? The frozen custard shops are closed.

protected static said...

St. Louis is much worse than Springfield... You'll find plenty of Fox News in those parts, particularly the 'burbs.

You haven't seen cold yet. We used to joke that there's nothing to stop the wind between the Arctic Circle and Missouri; it doesn't stop until it hits the Gulf of Mexico. At least once a year I would be woken at 2AM by my car horn being frozen open. Nothing like waking blearily, thinking "Who's that asshole making all that noise?" only to realize that you're the asshole. Then it was a matter of strugging out through the ice, trying to get the car to turn over so I could drive it long enough for the contacts to thaw or contract or whatever.

I always expected to get pulled over by the cops on those nights, driving around at 2 or 3AM with my horn blaring... I can't say that I miss it.

Leigh C. said...

Oooh, Springfield!

You met the Simpsons yet? 8-)

yournamehere said...

I find it amusing (in a sick way) that prisoners make the New Hampshire license plates, complete with the "Live Free or Die" motto stamped on them.

Missouri? You're almost a Yankee now. Good luck.

jetbanana said...

Good luck to you! But whatever will you do without King Cake, crawfish, boudin and gumbo?

Lolololori said...

Missouri is a great state! Best of the midwest. I hope it treats ya right. It did alright by me, and it won't make you much of a Yankee (hardly at all) either.