Friday, November 24, 2006

Tips for surviving Black Friday

--Don't be a retail worker, delivery driver or police officer.

--You'll want to beat long lines, so be prepared to leave home early. A good time to do so is four hours before the store opens yesterday.

--Shopping among large crowds increases your chances of being robbed or pickpocketed. Prevent this ahead of time by bringing no money with you.

--Before falling off your roof, make sure there isn't a mall between you and the hospital.

--Note to budding guerrilla protesters: gluing department-store locks shut is so 2005. But spreading glue on the sidewalks? That's money, dawg!

--In the mad rush to catch this season's biggest bargains, some businesses get overlooked. Today's a good day to visit such venues as baseball stadiums and waterparks.

--Buy Furbies. Less competition.

--Electronics buffs will create severe gridlock at Best Buy franchises all over America. Mediocre Buy, however, is usually not as crowded.

--If you're planning to liven up your Black Friday experience by shooting BBs at unsuspecting shoppers, doing so in front of a gun store is a bad idea. Also, Alabama.

--Finding the perfect holiday gift for that special someone can be a challenge. Hint: kill two birds with one stone by becoming a friendless athiest.

--Don't write checks. If there's one thing that holiday shoppers won't stand for, it's having to wait in line.

--Be Sony.

--Shopping at dollar stores and discount outlets ensures your safety by implying to would-be muggers that you have nothing worth stealing.

--Now would be a good time to renounce all consumer tendencies and become a patchouli-soaked hippie.

3 comments:

yournamehere said...

People were standing outside of the Best Buy in Louisville on Thursday afternoon. Instead of spending time with their loved ones on Thanksgiving they were standing in line.

Becky said...

I saw the news report Thursday night about people waiting outside the Best Buy here. The line was wrapped around the store at 10 PM and I can only imagine what it looked like when they opened.

Unfortunately, I had the pleasure of being at the Mall yesterday to work. It wasn't as bad as it could have been but it wasn't all peaches and cream either.

Love the point about writing checks, but you forgot about people making returns. Put simply, don't do it! People don't want to wait for that either.

Anonymous said...

There was a line nearly half a mile waiting to get into Walmart at 5am in my hometown. That is just insane in my humble opinion...good post.