Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Things couples shouldn't say

1) "We're pregnant!"
No, SHE'S pregnant, and it wasn't some huge sacrifice on your part to get her that way, Bruno. She's doing all the work. To quote the old feminist saying, "Women have the babies because men couldn't take the pain."

2) "She finishes my sentences!"
What, was that a problem before? Did you fall in love with your speech therapist?

3) "We agree on absolutely everything."
Most people can't agree with themselves most of the time, so this is just too ridiculous to believe. Though it would make sense if Pat Robertson and George W. Bush got gay married.

4) "We're soul mates!"
How do you know? You've only dated one other person, and that was the cousin you took to prom. Yeah yeah, we know she was distant, but still...

5) "I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world."
Apparently that guy gets around. He's married to everybody.

6) "I can't even remember what life was like before I met him / her."
I'll tell you what it was like: you were fun! Or miserable. But in the latter case, you obviously do remember if you're saying something like this. Unless you've been married for 83 years, in which case it might be literally true. And kinda cool.

7) "I'm going to grow old with this person."
Most relationships do grow old really quickly.

8) "We've been dating for exactly 10 months, three weeks, five days, six hours and a partridge in a pear tree."
It's just creepy to clock something that closely. I could tell you how many days I've done this blog, but that's creepy too (843).

9) "He/she's my destiny and I'll do anything to keep us together."
Didn't Michael Douglas say something to this effect in Falling Down? Or was it that eternal romantic Mark Wahlberg in Fear?

10) "How much?"
At least in public, because that's against the law.

1 comment:

Phillip said...

I don't know if you watched "Arrested Development" but there was a scene in one episode where Michael and Lindsey, twins, were talking about how twins often times finish each other's sentences. However:

Michael: "She could be my sister. You know how they say siblings sometimes finish each other's..."
Lindsay interrupts: "Sandwiches?"