Thursday, August 10, 2006

Britney renews library books, uh, vows

MSNBC--Is Britney Spears ready to Oops, Do It Again?

The pop star is preparing to renew her vows to hubby Kevin Federline, according to In Touch Weekly. The two got married in September 2004 in a rushed ceremony, reportedly attended by only 20 or 30 friends, nixing an elaborate affair that was being planned by her mother for a month later.

I've heard of renewing vows after decades of marriage, or even after five years. But two years? Hell, I'm still wearing the same blue jeans I wore to her wedding! But if that's the trend now, then I'm late in renewing my love for this blog, which is now two years and two months old. Sorry, baby! I love you. And I know I tell you that every five minutes, but I don't want you to forget. I love you. Please don't leave me for another button-pusher! I love you, baby. Wanna get me a beer?

Seriously. Are Britney and Kevin fed up with the staggering lack of coverage of their life? After seeing this video, I would presume that Brit would want to hide for awhile. Then again, she is "country," as she so proudly proclaimed.

I blame a Louisiana upbringing for this. Somewhere between the wedding chapel and the DMV, she got confused as to what needed to be renewed every two years. She's probably waiting by the mailbox for a sticker to slap on her ass.

Of course, it could be that Britney is simply addicted to weddings. Side effects include nausea, drowning in money, stuffy noses, glitterrhea, sequin rash and pregnancy. Consult your doctor if you develop attention deficit disorder, in which you suffer whenever there's a deficit of attention to you.

I've always believed that it isn't how you get married; it's how you stay married. My grandparents were married in a small house, and they lasted 53 years. On the other hand, you have Jennifer Wilbanks and her bridal bacchanalia leading straight to Greyhound. Somehow, pomp doesn't equal stamina.

I love you, blog. Love you! No, I'm not insecure! I just love you.


oyster said...

"I'm still wearing the same blue jeans I wore to her wedding!"

Now that's funny stuff.

oyster said...

Whatever happened to this idea, anyway?

Ian McGibboney said...

Don't know, oyster. I guess they figured that Katrina victims had suffered enough.

Jester said...

It figures though. In a place like Hollywood, where marriages last 20 days instead of 20 years, it's only fitting that renewal vows are equally accelerated.