Wednesday, May 03, 2006

More rules to live by (collect 'em all!)

Rule #4: Live and let hide

No more reports of Axl Rose sightings. He's not Jimmy Hoffa; he's some guy who used to be famous. I don't want to hear anymore how someone spotting Axl in a music store is a sign of something. Yeah, it's a sign that he's a musician! When he begets democracy in China, then I'll care. Please, Axl?

Rule #5: Power Trippin'

Respect is not automatic. I don't care who you are, what your title is or how much money you make; it doesn't give you license to be a jerk any more than it exempts you from having to use the toilet. If your accomplishments in life are deserving of respect, then they'll speak for themselves. But the more you insist I stand in awe of you, the more likely I am to sit down. Better to be an amiable regular person than someone successful who lost their decency somewhere around the fifth promotion.

Rule #6: Congratulations? I'm sorry.

Congratulations should be reserved for people who achieve goals. I'm getting tired of people offering kudos for things like getting married and having children. These can be wonderful things, but they're not on par with, say, earning a college degree or overcoming cancer. If you can achieve something by paying for it, it isn't an accomplishment; it's a purchase. Or the presidency.

Marriage does not deserve kudos, because anyone can do it. Well, except for gays. My bad.

Rules 1-3


oyster said...

Life lessons from the P.I.M.P..

And for free!

danc said...

only someone who has never been married or had a child would say they don't deserve congratulations. When you have children(if its possible) or get married, then get back to me.

Ian McGibboney said...

danc, that's unfair. It's true that I'm not married or have kids, but you wouldn't have ascertained that one way or another from what I said. And I'm not saying those are trivial things, either. But to me, congratulating someone for getting married is like congratulating someone rich for buying a car. On the other hand, I have no problem wishing people well in their marital endeavors.

T-Mac said...

I like 5 a lot...good call. :-)

danc said...


apples and oranges. the comparison between getting married and a rich person buying a car absolutely makes no sense. what about children? you didnt even address that. the fact that you put earning a degree and beating cancer shows a little bit of disconnect in my opinion.

Ian McGibboney said...

What's to congratulate about getting married? What obstacles are overcome? What tests did they pass? What training did they have to go through? I could go to Vegas right now and get married to someone I met today. And I could divorce them tomorrow in the Dominican Republic. Why would I expect anyone to congratulate me for that?

I'm not talking about being happy for someone who has chosen to get married, or wishing them well; just that congratulations is kind of over-reaching. On the other hand, I will congratulate someone for finishing an education, because that takes years and self-discipline. It isn't simply a matter of signing a contract and purchasing a dream vacation.

As for children, I suppose I would congratulate a couple who had tried for years but couldn't conceive before. But again, what deserves congratulations about a normal childbirth? It's a conscious decision, and not always a good one.

danc said...

You have absolutely no clue, NORMAL child birth. There is nothing normal about it. As far as marriage goes unfortunately there are so many lazy asses out there that choose not to work at thier marriage that they get the quickie divorce. A degree is merely the 1st step in a life journey. As someone who has a degree, gotten married, had 2 children and lost a mother to cancer after she had gone into remission twice, i feel as i can speak with some authority. My degree (although I am proud of it and it opened a door to a nice life) it does not rank in my top 5. Like I said getting a degree is just the 1st step. Hardly the penultimate moment in one's life. One more thing-it's easy to trivialize marriage, but i promise you it is one of life's greatest commitments

Ian McGibboney said...

I'm not nitpicking the pain level of childbirth (which, by the way, I am familiar with, because I do know people who have had babies). I was an athlete and did manual labor for a long time, and I've had back surgery and other physical therapies. It was tough, yeah, but it wasn't like I expected congratulations for it.

As for marriage, it is a great commitment, as you say. That's why I do congratulate people who have been married for decades. But the act of getting married is like buying a car or stopping smoking: anyone can do it, but the hard part is maintaining it over time. And that is what merits kudos.

Nick said...

Actually, considering the sickening divorce rate in this country and the high percentage of dead-beat and/or incompetent and irresponsible parents, maybe we should just congratulate the couple after they survive 10 yrs. or congratulate parents after they have brought along and raised the child properly and respectably for 10-15 yrs.

Speechie said...

Oy...and someone once said women are too hopped up on marriage. Check out you two, Ian and danc... geezloueez.

danc...a degree is NOT the first step in a life long journey. And for someone who obviously has children you sure missed an incredible point about degrees...they make it so you can FEED and TAKE CARE OF your children. Getting into college and getting out of college are two extremely difficult things to do. They take years and years of work and preparation. Succeeding at EVERYTHING else in life depends on what you do with your education.

You misinterpreted what Ian said about children. HAVING children, as in the ACT of getting pregnant and giving birth, is NOT a congratulatory matter. Getting pregnant and having children are easy things to do. When you raise them up and support them through everything in life and help to create in them someone worth something, then you deserve congratulations. But if you'd like one, here you go: Congratulations on donating sperm to your wife so she could walk around like a balloon for nine months. Also, congratulations on standing there while your wife pushed a watermelon through a lemon (an event which you cannot even begin to understand). Women don't care for congrats on babies. The baby is a person. And since it cannot be framed, keep it personal instead of pragmatic.

Again, you have misinterpreted what was being said. Ian was talking about GETTING MARRIED...ya know, the part where you exchange rings and say your vows and the girl wears a white dress even though she probably isn't a virgin (knowing this day and age)...YOU are talking about BEING married. They are two very separate things.
And when you have been married for at least two decades give me a call and I will send you a congratulatory card. Now don't go and misinterpret me. I'm not saying you won't make it...I'm rooting for you. And I'm not being facetious. I just feel that 20 years is a lot more worthy of praise than the ten minutes it takes to say "I do."

As for the other things you brought up...and this goes for Ian as well...why are you creating a personal pain war on this thread? I thought this was supposed to be about rules to live by, not who has had the most shit happen to them that makes them a better figure for direction on this matter.

And speaking of dare you use what happened to your mother as a form of authority. You DON'T know. You watched what happened to her, NOT experienced it. Unless you are living with some sort of illness that could take your life whenever it wants, DON'T try to pass off as some sort of authority on the matter. Unless your body is falling apart with each passing year and there is NOTHING you can do about it, don't even start talking like you know anything. I empathize with the loss...but you don't know. YOU DON'T KNOW. And YES, you can ALL take that as an indicator that I DO KNOW.

Ian, #5 is good.

Becky said...

Speechie, I love you! You said what I wanted so much more eloquently than I could. But I'll try anyway.

Danc, get your breeder-brained head out of your ass, won't you? Kids are not the end all be all of accomplishment, but that's not the point that Ian was trying to make. He doesn't get the point of congratulating people for popping kids out. Big whoop, you procreated. Now, can you raise them to be something other than spoiled rotten entitlement minded snots? If so, then you deserve to be congratulated for that. Marriage? I know too many people who got divorced less than two years after they got married. Getting married takes no effort, but staying married does.

And for the record, before you jump all over me for being a child hating lesbian, the hubby and I are going to celebrate 7 years of marriage in July, and we've got two kids that I'd like to think are being raised to value what they're given instead of expecting it.

Any and all congratulations may be sent my way.... oh, wait. Wait. Hypocritical, yeah? My bad. ;)

Ian McGibboney said...

Becky, this is why we've been friends for 18 years.