Monday, February 06, 2006

This just in in injustice

--Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said Monday that George W. Bush has every right to spy on anyone without a warrant. “I hope I’m loud and clear on this point,” Gonzales said into the lamp.

--Terrorist suspect Zacarias Moussaoui was ejected from a Virginia courtroom Monday after he told prospective jurors, “I am al-Qaida.” His defense attorney then told the jury, “I am an alcoholic.”

--Denmark and its embassies have been targeted by fundamentalist Muslim groups furious over Danish cartoon renditions of the prophet Muhammad, the drawing of whom goes against the teachings of the Quran. Also not allowed by the Quran? Terrorism.

--Legislation being proposed in 14 states would ban protests at funerals. These laws are in response to increased picketing of military services by Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church, known for its cry of, “God hates fags.” Offenders will face a horizontal 21-gun salute. In more ways than one.

--A well-preserved body discovered in ice in California has been identified as a Minnesota airman who disappeared during WWII. Thanks to stop-loss, he’s currently serving as armor in Iraq.

--Researchers at Dartmouth have discovered that the human brain continues to grow well into the 20s, with a particular spike between 18 and 19. Or was that the liver?

--The Pittsburgh Steelers won Super Bowl XL with a 21-10 score over the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday. The heavily favored Steelers won their record-tying fifth Super Bowl, against a first-time contender, in front of a friendly crowd in Detroit. Yet another inspiring victory for the underdog.

--A West Virginia woman who received a credit card with a man’s picture on it discovered that they shared both a credit rating and a Social Security number. At which point she bought 300 new pairs of shoes and robbed a bank.

--Citing flu and dehydration, Rep. Bernie Sanders of Vermont passed out Sunday during a military funeral. What is it with Vermont politicians and collapsing?

--Michael Jackson is reportedly in talks with an Italian record label to perform on a CD of hymns written by Pope John Paul II. The album will be called, Dangerous.


oyster said...

Bernie Sanders is an Independent.

Ian McGibboney said...

The MSNBC story said he had Democratic backing, which I guess confused me late at night.

Phillip said...

“I hope I’m loud and clear on this point,” Gonzales said into the lamp.

i would have gone with "gonzales said a year later, back in his house, under the bed, into a muffled t-shirt, in spanish.

Neil Shakespeare said...

Sure that Michael Jackson album won't be called "Bless Me, Father, For I Have Sinned, Gotten Away With It And Moved To Dubai"?