--Several European nations have joined the United States in demanding that Iran cease its nuclear-weapons program, recalling similar such calls to Iraq in early 2003. If at first you don't succeed, fail and fail again...
--As part of Martin Luther King Day festivities, George W. Bush viewed the original Emancipation Proclamation. Remarked Bush: "We must work together to make sure this sad chapter in our history never happens again."
--Mehmet Ali Agca, the man who shot Pope John Paul II in 1981, was freed from prison in Istanbul last week. In a statement, he vowed to never again shoot Pope John Paul II.
Army officials in Turkey have requested that Agca fulfill the military obligation that is required of all male citizens. But Agca's lawyers argue that he is unfit to be a soldier, being that he likes to shoot people.
--A Greenpeace vessel was nearly hit by a harpoon while protesting Japanese whaling near Antarctica. It's the latest incident in an escalating battle between the whalers and the activists over who is stupider.
--On Monday, Al Gore called the Bush administration's warrantless wiretapping, "a threat to the very structure of our government." Ironically, Gore is about the only person Bush isn't listening to these days.
--Alan Greenspan is expected to hit the public-speaking circuit after he steps down from the Federal Reserve this month. His speaking fee will supposedly top $100,000; or, if he sneezes, $200,000.
--Two Fort Lauderdale teenagers were arrested for beating up three homeless men, after numerous people identified them from video footage of the incident. Those acquainted with the duo said they'd recognize those small penises anywhere.
--A two-year-old in New Bedford, Massachusetts, was summoned to jury duty. She was promptly dismissed, due to her opposition to the High Chair.
--Finally, a 20-year-old college student in California set a new record Saturday by solving a Rubik's Cube in 11.13 seconds. According to sources, that isn't the only thing that takes him 11.13 seconds.