Monday, January 16, 2006

The week in snooze

--Several European nations have joined the United States in demanding that Iran cease its nuclear-weapons program, recalling similar such calls to Iraq in early 2003. If at first you don't succeed, fail and fail again...

--As part of Martin Luther King Day festivities, George W. Bush viewed the original Emancipation Proclamation. Remarked Bush: "We must work together to make sure this sad chapter in our history never happens again."

--Mehmet Ali Agca, the man who shot Pope John Paul II in 1981, was freed from prison in Istanbul last week. In a statement, he vowed to never again shoot Pope John Paul II.

Army officials in Turkey have requested that Agca fulfill the military obligation that is required of all male citizens. But Agca's lawyers argue that he is unfit to be a soldier, being that he likes to shoot people.

--A Greenpeace vessel was nearly hit by a harpoon while protesting Japanese whaling near Antarctica. It's the latest incident in an escalating battle between the whalers and the activists over who is stupider.

--On Monday, Al Gore called the Bush administration's warrantless wiretapping, "a threat to the very structure of our government." Ironically, Gore is about the only person Bush isn't listening to these days.

--Alan Greenspan is expected to hit the public-speaking circuit after he steps down from the Federal Reserve this month. His speaking fee will supposedly top $100,000; or, if he sneezes, $200,000.

--Two Fort Lauderdale teenagers were arrested for beating up three homeless men, after numerous people identified them from video footage of the incident. Those acquainted with the duo said they'd recognize those small penises anywhere.

--A two-year-old in New Bedford, Massachusetts, was summoned to jury duty. She was promptly dismissed, due to her opposition to the High Chair.

--Finally, a 20-year-old college student in California set a new record Saturday by solving a Rubik's Cube in 11.13 seconds. According to sources, that isn't the only thing that takes him 11.13 seconds.


The Goblin Slayer said...

I can't wait till next week's news when you condemn Hillary for calling the House of Reps a 'plantation' on the very day the government celebrates MLK (perhaps she didn't see your MLK post) or to witness your quick wit in regards to Mayor Nagin and his disgusting racist comments about turning New Oleans back into chocolate again. Ooooh, and lest we forget Harry Reid and other Democratic leaders benefitting from Abramahoff.

All of us wait with baited breath...especially since you continually admit to being non-partisan.

Flamingo Jones said...

Independent and Non-Partisan are not the same thing, you know.

Also, as far as political humor and satire is concerned, it almost always leans toward skewering the party in power. That's how it is. Deal with it.

Ian McGibboney said...


Clinton said on Monday had said Bush’s administration was “one of the worst” in U.S. history and said the House “has been run like a plantation, and you know what I’m talking about.”

She said the House “has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard.”

You know, Goblin, maybe she has a point. Hillary saying that the House is run like a plantation isn't the same as her WANTING it to be run like a plantation. Calling someone on their prejudices isn't the same thing as having prejudice yourself. Please.

As for Nagin, the mistake you're making is that I somehow agree lock-step with everything the guy says. His latest speech was just weird, and a little too Robertson-esque for my taste. But I'm inclined to give the guy a break, if only because of the bullshit he has had to deal with in the form of rolled-up shirtsleeves and a shortage of Guard troops.

But to expand on what Flamingo said, conservatives are easier to make fun of because of their rigidity and asinine statements. Lest you think I'm wrong, ask yourself why the GOP is still cracking Ted Kennedy jokes after all these years.

Neil Shakespeare said...

It's the "Plantationization of Politics"! And Nagin is losing his mind. That guy's right on the edge.

Phillip said...

and lest we forget, in 1994 newt gringrich told a reporter he was leading a "slave rebellion" against the democrats who "run the plantation." i'm sure conservatives were bothered about that statement at the time roughly tantamount to their feigned offense at hillary's comment. team sports! go team!

Michael said...

Tell you what, Gob. I'll criticize Hillary for the "plantation" comment as soon as you're done criticizing Townhall, the National Review (, the Wall Street Journal (, the Limboob (, Newsmax (, the Moonie Times (, and Novakula ( for using the same imagery. Including the Newt Gingrich reference from the previous comment, I make that eight conservatives or conservative outlets to one liberal. Now which group would you say is the more insensitive?