Tuesday, January 24, 2006

News: not the opposite of Olds

--The Conservative Party swept Canadian elections Monday, for the first time in 13 years. Prime Minister-elect Stephen Harper has already appointed Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth to his Cabinet. The Party is further expected to enact trickle-down economics.

--Officials in Tehran, Iran, threatened to escalate the country's nuclear-enrichment program Monday. In response, George W. Bush exclaimed, "No, MINE is smaller!"

--Documents released Monday show that Homeland Security was aware of levee problems in New Orleans prior to Hurricane Katrina. As for FEMA? Still not aware.

--After 14 mine-related deaths in three weeks, West Virginia legislators approved increased regulations for miner safety. Among the new rules: no cigarettes until they turn 18.

--A Detroit motorist and a Labrador retriever both died after the dog fell off a bridge and onto the man's car. According to witnesses, the canine fell off the bridge while trying to avoid another car. Smart strategy there, dog!

--A distraught airline passenger in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, bit a passenger before jumping out of the grounded plane. He later said the flesh tasted like "tasteless, reheated chicken."

--The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) spoke out against American Idol judges Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell, alleging that the two men made homophobic remarks to some rejected male singers. Cowell apologized, saying, "There's no need for crying games; I was just having fun with the smalltown boy. Relax!"

A spokesman for Fox responded with "no comment," and for some reason got paid for that.

--New York City police arrested eight participants in the "No Pants Day" campaign, in which subway riders went pantsless on Sunday. Authorities reported that no one was impressed in the incident.

--Forbes.com announced its list of "Where we want to go in 2006." Their top three choices? The Bathroom, Somewhere Besides McDonald's for Once, and Not Iraq.

--After a pair of impressive playoff victories, the Pittsburgh Steelers will face the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XL. And the Manning family will face beer commercials and crying towels.


yournamehere said...


he who is known as sefton said...

In the beginning, I decided to join the campaign to impeach your "smirking chimp", my "dum'ass botch". As evidence for that, you'll soon be invited to click on a hyperlink.

Before doing so, however, I would like you to read through the rest of this text. In case, you'd like to know, the hyperlink to your blog, specifically, "Not Right Abouot Anything", is found at the third hyperlink on the list below ... ah, please remember, no clicking until AFTER reading the entire text.

Perusing your blog, I believe I arrived at what is a reasonable inference. That is, both you and your readers would welcome news that indicates the campaign to impeach the president is increasing in both vigor and breadth. Ah, you'll find that evidence by clicking on the second enclosed hyperlink.

As for my plan for capturing Osama, again I should like to ask you, dear Reader, to refrain from clicking on any enclosed hyperlink, until AFTER you've read the entirety of the text.


The hyperlink just above this sentence leads to my game plan. If you've gotten this far on the first read, without clicking on any of the enclosed hyperlinks, congrats!

Whatever the case, remind or prepare, please keep in mind that it's a good bet that everything else to snag bin Ladin has already been tried. I think it's time we tried drawing on one of the few activities Americans do better than any other national group, music and pizza delivery being among those few activities.


oh, yeah, and here's the third hyperlink:


.he who is known as sefton

oh, yes, surely, you've heard about the government "requesting" certain records about internet activity. oh, br'dah! ... cynical and skeptical lil'ole me, I'm smelling a rat in all that. Quite candidly, I have cause to suspect that more than compiling statistics on access to pornographic websites is involved.

oh, yeah, right after Hitler came to power, the German people were assured that, if they were innocent of untoward activity, they would have nothing to worry about ... yeah, right.

Incidentally, the second hyperlink leads to a piece that relates to governmental eavesdropping WITHOUT a warrant.

Neil Shakespeare said...

So FEMA still hasn't heard about it? Hmmm. Maybe someone should tell them.