Friday, April 29, 2005

Which stupid online quiz are you?


You are the Spirit of Sadness. Deep pain and sorrow lie within you, betrayal, jealousy and rejection rule your life. You cannot make friends as you are too scared at the prospect of being hurt again and you can't take that risk. You wish more than anything to have a steady person there who loves you unconditionally but you are too scared to find them.

Which stunning spirit are you? Brought to you by Quizilla

I'm always hunting for the most useless online quiz ever made. This is pretty close.

I have a theory that somewhere out in the vacuum of the Internet is the single most pointless and worthless quiz ever devised by the human mind. If you know any (and don't lie and say you don't), feel free to share them here, along with any results obtained thereof. You know you have nothing better to do! Besides, I'm dying to find out which dragon-slaying fairy you are.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Resting on my laurels is hard work

Being that I'm really dry of both time and ideas so far this week, I will instead tantalize you with teasers from past columns that I've written. Sample at your own peril!

"Two questions I often hear are: 1) Did you hit your head a lot as a child? 2) Was U.S. Intelligence warned of strikes by al-Qaida before Sept. 11? The answer to both questions is 'Repeatedly.'" --Tomorrow’s Forecast: Terror (6/19/02)

"I am not so naïve as to believe that private gender discrimination will ever completely fade. However, women are just as capable as men in most 'masculine' endeavors, just as men can do a lot of 'feminine' things, such as cook, clean and think." --You Golf, Girl! (10/2/02)

"Isn’t it comforting to know that, following years of round-the-clock investigation and tracking, the most advanced intelligence agency in the world took two years to discover that Chong is associated with marijuana?" --Just Say No to Pots (9/24/03)

"Of course, white people do have problems. We can’t dance. We’re not cool. Vanilla Ice. That’s about it. You need a club to discuss that?" --Caucasian Crossfire (10/8/03)

"MCD goes by all sorts of different names: bovine spongiform encephalopathy, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, etc. Snore. If health officials really wanted to effectively warn people, they’d refer to it by one of its other names: scrapie!" --Your Guide to an Empty Stomach (1/21/04)

"The National Guard’s slogan is 'You Can!' But if Bush’s service records prove anything, it’s that 'You Don’t Have To!'" --Bush's Selective Service (3/3/04)

"September 2004—The Republican National Convention commences at Ground Zero in New York City. Toby Keith’s rousing opening performance of his new song, 'Real Americans Ain’t Liberal or Brown,' brings down the house. John Ashcroft leads in the Pledge of Allegiance, repeating 'Under God' 60 times before continuing with the rest of it." --I Saw the Future (and Ran Back!) (6/9/04)

"Isn’t it amazing how, theo-smackers’ arguments to the contrary, Jesus could not be the president under our Constitutional law? For one thing, the Constitution mandates that a President must be at least 35 years old. Legend has it that Jesus was 33 when he got double-crossed. Also, the president must be an American-born citizen and have lived on U.S. soil for a minimum of 14 years. Where was Jesus from, Bethlehem? Galilee? Nazareth? Steppenwolf? The Promised Land was somewhere east of America. It certainly was not in, say, Utah." --Jesus for President (6/23/04)

"So remember, citizens: machine guns are good, books are bad! With the PATRIOT Act and the lapse of the weapons ban, it’s less of a hassle to buy a TEC-9 assault pistol than it is to check out 'The History of the TEC-9 Assault Pistol.'" --"Uzi, Can You See..." (9/22/04)

"They always tell you that these are the best years of your life. What exactly is my motivation for leaving school, then? No one at the Grad Expo said, 'Enjoy your menial entry-level years! They're the best time of your life.'" --Fighting Fire with Fired (4/27/05)

There. That should keep you busy for a while.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Blogger problem #879,654

At some point a couple of nights ago, Blogger did something strange. I can no longer access my home page; typing in my address brings me straight to the login/dashboard screens. To even see my page at all, I have to type in the URL for the April 2005 archives and backtrack. It's an enormous pain in the ass, and affects only this particular blog (More Than Words accesses just fine). Is that happening to anyone else? And does anyone have a quick fix?

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Putting the "lust" in "wanderlust"

This map shows, in red, the states I've visited. Oklahoma was a technicality, in that we drove up to the border and took our picture on the "Welcome to Oklahoma" sign. Sad.

Create your own personalized map of the USA

Monday, April 18, 2005

DEE-fense! (clap clap) DEE-fense!

Today is the day I find out whether or not I get my Master's degree. Wish me luck, because I need it.

Foot update: it's better. Got some TLC at the athletic complex, so now my limp merely looks like prison-shower time as opposed to Quasimodo.

Be good, everyone.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Adding injury to insult

Yesterday afternoon, I severely sprained my ankle at a grocery store.

On my way home to get ready for a friend's wedding, I stopped by a neighborhood supermarket to buy orange juice and a pack of gum. After the clerk scanned the items, I realized I didn't have my wallet on me. Being that the store was supremely busy, I ran out to my truck to get my wallet out of the glove compartment. I jogged my way back to the entrance, when suddenly this older couple got in my way. I slowed down and moved to the left, causing my right foot to roll (mid-step) on the incline between the curb and the wheelchair ramp.

It sounded like a car accident and felt just as painful.

It must have been a really entertaining sight, for everyone in the store was suddenly looking at some kid with tears in his eyes, hugging the ground. One of the store's baggers helped me inside, got me an ice pack, and rang up my swag. I also got to meet every important person who works at the store, all of whom asked how I was in tones that screamed, "PLEASE DON'T SUE US!"

But all I could think about was how I had an hour to hobble home, shower, dress, and make it to the wedding. And working a track meet all morning and afternoon in the sweltering heat, I had taken extra precautions to avoid dehydration and overexposure to the sun. And dammit, I had succeeded, feeling really healthy and in-shape, ready for dancing with some of my cutest female friends.

But now my right foot sports a swelling the size of a doorknob. Made dancing kind of difficult, not that I can anyway. And all that for $1.81's worth of stuff.

Just wanted you all to know this in case you're wondering why this blog is currently walking with a limp.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Best argument for education reform yet

Dear Ian:

I write with good news -- you have passed the written portions of the MA comprehensive exams. That you have done so means that you can now move on to the oral defense of the exam. I have contacted the chair of your MA exam begin the process of setting it up, so you should hear from her shortly.

In the meantime, I will put a copy of your written response to Component 2 in your box in the next few days.



For those of you who didn't know, I have spent every second of the past two weeks fretting heavily over this. Failing this would have dashed my hopes of obtaining a master's degree next month. At least if I fail now, I'll know I did it at the very last possible moment. And no one can take that away from me ;)

Can you believe it? This is awesome!

Saturday, April 02, 2005


What a crazy Week in God it's been! First Terri Schiavo dies and then Pope John Paul II follows her two days later. That's gotta be a sign, but of what?

1) The miracle of life?
2) God warning us not to screw with his divine plan for brain-dead patients and old men who die of natural causes?
3) That the Christian right is the light and the way?
4) That 1997 retro is already upon us?
5) That America is not chasing terrorism with enough fervor?
6) America using too many condoms?
7) Or could it be that this is an entirely random series of events that, whether divinely guided or otherwise, only reinforces the long-held wisdom that life is fragile and unpredictable no matter who we are or what we do?

I say we celebrate life while we still have it. Isn't that what remembering the departed is all about?