Monday, December 26, 2005

Now wait just a second!

2005 to last EVEN LONGER?!!

WASHINGTON - Get ready for a minute with 61 seconds. Scientists are delaying the start of 2006 by the first “leap second” in seven years, a timing tweak meant to make up for changes in the Earth’s rotation.

The adjustment will be carried out by sticking an extra second into atomic clocks worldwide at the stroke of midnight Coordinated Universal Time, the widely adopted international standard, the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology said this week.

“Enjoy New Year’s Eve a second longer,” the institute said in an explanatory notice. “You can toot your horn an extra second this year.”

That's how evil 2005 has been: it doesn't even end when it's supposed to! It's like the temporal equivalent of the 2000 election. Except that at least 2000 had a better economy (even considering the dot-com bust) and no one then was publishing year-end editions on how it was the Worst Year Ever (Esquire did in 1998, but they were joking...or clueless).

This is the first year I've ever heard people say they can't wait another second for it to be over. This must be a really painful announcement for them. Like embarrassingly impotent sex, this year just goes on...and on...and on...and on...and on...

A leap second is added to keep uniform timekeeping within 0.9 second of the Earth’s rotational time, which can speed up or slow down because of many factors, including ocean tides.

So the Earth is slowing down? This is Battle of Jericho shit! Guess God really is a Republican after all. On second thought, perhaps we're being asked to contemplate a little on the mistakes that we've perpetrated and endured over the past year and how can prevent such actions in an enlightened future. Naah, God's Republican.

Can't we make up this extra second in a good year? I say we retroactively add it to 1999, along with the last leap second we had! Or hell, any other year besides this one. At this point, even 2001 is starting to look good.

In any case, experts agree that 2005 has to end as soon as possible. I second that notion.

3 comments:

Neil Shakespeare said...

Oh hell no, let's drag it out! I say extend it at least until the Chinese New Year. I've always liked the Chinese New Year better. Besides, in a few years that'll be the only important one anyway. What the heck year is it in China now? Four thousand something?

Ian McGibboney said...

I still say, wait until 2006 to do that. I really hate this year and want it done with.

In any case, it'll be hard to catch up to the Chinese calendar when our leaders seem so determined to put us back in the 1500s.

Flamingo Jones said...

Can't we add the leap second to the next Leap Day in 2008? I barely get any birthdays as it is, I could use an extra second or two.