Sunday, December 18, 2005

Bush, Colts both losers Sunday

Bush addresses war; nation returns to sender

WASHINGTON - President Bush asserted Sunday night the United States is winning the war in Iraq and issued a plea to Americans divided by doubt: “Do not give in to despair and do not give up on this fight for freedom.”

Wow. He really sounds confident about our so-called winning! Can you see Bush as a football coach during a timeout? "Don't give in to the scoreboard; it lies. We're way ahead of them. So don't give up! It's not over yet."

In a prime-time address, Bush acknowledged setbacks and sacrifice and cautioned there would be more violence and death in the months ahead. “Some look at the challenges in Iraq and conclude that the war is lost and not worth another dime or another day,” he said.

"That's why I don't look. Looking is depressing."

The admissions were part of a White House effort to address complaints that Bush lacked a solid strategy for the war and has been oblivious to the violence that Americans plainly see on television.

And yes, I'd say that Dubya's little chat definitely addressed his disconnect!

Bush said last week’s voting for parliament will not bring an end to the violence in Iraq, where he has estimated that 30,000 civilians have died. But he said Iraq’s election, 6,000 miles away, “means that America has an ally of growing strength in the fight against terror.”

"Oh, wait, did I say, 'has an ally'? I lie! Ha ha! I meant, 'faces an insurgency.'"

His speech came amid an uproar in Congress over whether he exceeded his powers in conducting the war on terror with a secret eavesdropping program...

The real uproar should be over the fact that Bush wields any power at all regarding the war on terror, considering how not well he's handled it.

By the way...that "secret eavesdropping program"? Bush dismissed the allegation as a rumor spread by John Kerry and Harry Reid. At least that's what Bush heard them planning to do on the line that he tapped.

...and on a day that Vice President Dick Cheney made a surprise visit to Baghdad and faced questions from U.S. soldiers about their mission.

Most common question: "Do we have a mission?"

“The last speech he gave, he used the word ‘victory’ 14 times. What does that mean?” asked Reid.

In George Orwell's 1984, "Victory" referred to a brand of cigarettes. Which makes sense, because the White House is clearly smoking something.

‘Act of reklessness’ (Clearly, the "S" in "MSNBC" does not stand for "spelling")

He said there were only two options for the United States — victory or defeat.

Actually, I think there's a third in between there someplace: something about a mate that's stale? Like that play in chess where nobody wins and no beneficial moves can be made?

“And the need for victory is larger than any president or political party because the security of our people is in the balance. I do not expect you to support everything I do..."

Wait, we're still talking about the war, right?

Bush spoke openly about about war doubts and the loss of American lives in Iraq. “This loss has caused sorrow for our whole nation and it has led some to ask if we are creating more problems than we are solving,” the president said.

Again, is he referring to the war itself? Even for Bush, this is a startlingly ambiguous speech. Quick, I need proof that this is, in fact, a Dubya speech! Perhaps a vapid talking point as an answer to the above rhetorical question?

He answered the question by saying that if the United States were not fighting the terrorists in Iraq, “they would be on the offense and headed our way.”

Ah, excellent! I thought for a second that someone had slain Bush and replaced him with someone .003 percent more open to criticism.

Bush said the grim news that Americans see on television about the violence and bloodshed “proves that the war is difficult. It does not mean that we are losing. Behind the images of chaos that terrorists create for the camers [sic], we are making steady gains with a clear objective in view.”

Astounding! The terrorists staging media events to alter perception of conditions in Iraq? Thank heavens that, here in the U.S. of A., we have a president who is above all that!

In sports, Manning report less perfect than usual

Poor Colts drop to 13-1 ((sniff!))

INDIANAPOLIS - Perfection is now a thing of the past for the Indianapolis Colts.

Looking ahead isn’t so grim, though — especially with the Super Bowl still in their sights.

“It’s tough to go 16-0. You have to play well every week,” coach Tony Dungy said after his team was beaten 26-17 by San Diego to end its 13-game winning streak.

Yeah, seems like grim times. Just terrible! Cry me a hurricane and a 3-11 record.

I'm very proud of the Chargers this season, and to me they're the absolute perfect team to finally break this streak. As I recall, Eli Manning told San Diego to get screwed when they drafted him, and immediately demanded a trade to the New York Giants. The Chargers clocked the Giants earlier this year, so I'm glad to see the team that wasn't good enough for the almighty Manning name exact a little karmic payback once again, against Peyton. It's at least some consolation in the likelihood that the Colts will still dominate the Super Bowl. With that in mind, all I can say is, GOOOO Indianapolis! I'm a fan now! Look out, Colts!

To paraphrase a line from the movie Poetic Justice, "This is poetic justice."


Neil Shakespeare said...

geez, maybe if he'd quit piling that despair on me i'd have the strength not to give in to it. oh well, another dime, another day, eh, pedro?

dan said...

Peyton was not drafted by San Diego his brother Eli was. Nice to know you are up on your football.

Ian McGibboney said...

You're right, Dan. I tend to get my Mannings confused, because they all do the same thing. I'm still glad San Diego beat Indianapolis, though, because I believe in the underdog. And the Chargers clobbered New York in week three. So I made a mistake. Doesn't change my point; just makes it 12 weeks overdue.

Flamingo Jones said...

I'm pretty sure anyone in San Diego doesn't care about the distinction anyway. They've got beef with the whole damn clan...but probably mostly Daddy Manning. Eli and Peyton are totally like Venus and Serena.

But not as pretty.

Or as muscular.

Jester said...

Would it really be better for anyone if Bush withdrew our military and let Zarqawi take over?

dillyberto said...

It would be better for everyone if the Iraqi Defense force was run by Coach Venturi. Nobody would be tortured. Nobody would face any resistance. The freedoms our president guarantees Iraqi people would be permitted in an over-abundance maybe with a $40,000 check for going through such desiplacement as the Saints were given.

Ian McGibboney said...

Furthermore, the Saints are 3-11, a success record the White House can only dream about. I like your idea, dillyberto.

Jester said...

So in a Superbowl game between the entire Iraqi insurgency (with Al Zarqawi as quarterback) vs. Coach Ditka, who would be your pick?

Ian McGibboney said...

Well, I haven't put much stock in Mike Ditka since he crashed the Saints into the ground frim 1997-99. You DID know he hasn't been our coach since 1999, right?

But back to your question, jaybird: it's dumb. Is your real name Bill Swerski? Ditka, Ditka...

Flamingo Jones said...

OK jester, I'm not a fan of anonymous hecklers in general....but THAT was pretty funny. I almost like you now.

Jester said...

Bears.... bears.... bears... daaa bears... ditka.... sausage....

Ian McGibboney said...

I'd pull for Da Insur...gency, especially if its name were Insurgency Ditka.

Jester said...

Too bad it's Sharia law the insurgency is trying to enact instead of football law.

Ian McGibboney said...

And too bad that the media and the White House treat Iraq like it's a Cowboys-Redskins game. Or perhaps Texans-Browns?