Thursday, November 10, 2005

Yum yum

Given my bird-like eating habits, I am the least-qualified person in America to write a book about food. So of course, you know I'm doing it!

Eater's Digest: The Picky Eater's Guide to Food

Growing Up...Slowly

In many households, the ultimate punishment is to be sent to bed without supper. For me, the worst punishment was to eat supper. It wasn't that my parents couldn't cook; indeed, as of this writing they know approximately 326 different ways to cook ground beef. Vegetarians have been known to evaporate outright at our dining-room table. Of course I'm kidding; we hardly ever ate at the dinner table--at least not all at once. But I digress. My parents can cook, but one thing will never change: I am a very picky eater. They knew this and parented accordingly:

"Ian! It's getting late! Get in the house!"
"But Mom, I don't want to!"
"Well, fine. But if you're going to stay outside, I'm going to bring you out some of what I cooked!"

And, just like lightning, I was inside. I was a very obedient--and very skinny--kid.

Cajun food is my enemy

You can probably imagine the grief that I have gotten every day of my life, having to explain that I don't eat most Cajun food. This is not as superfluous as it sounds; the Cajun and Creole people are generally some of the nicest and most inviting folk you will ever meet, especially when it comes to mealtime. How do you tell a sweet old Cajun lady, who probably spent 28 hours catching, cleaning and cooking the spicy sea creature that she is about to serve you (and would cause excessive salivation on the tongues of 99 percent of humanity), that you don't eat seafood, thank you?

If you are unfortunate enough to not like seafood or spice, don't place yourself in this situation. In fact, don't come to south Louisiana at all. The only reason anyone is thin here at all is because guilt trips burn a lot of calories.

A really disgusting anecdote involving peanut butter

Something didn't seem right about that peanut butter, though I couldn't quite pin it down immediately. Was it the peanut oil sitting neatly atop peanut shavings? Was it the fact that I had remembered seeing a jar very much like this sometime around the debut of Wang Chung's "Everybody Have Fun Tonight?" Was it that generic peanut butter actually crossed my mind as something appetizing to eat?

If you like what you see, know that there's plenty more where that came from. If you think it's amateurish, it's because I wrote most of it several years ago and haven't revised it yet. That's my excuse :) The best is yet to come.


Michael said...

That's one reason you're not likely to see me moving to New Orleans anytime soon: most seafood makes me gag. Spice is fine--just don't ruin it by putting it on slimy, stinky creatures that crawl through mud or come out of the water.

I was a pretty finicky eater when I was a kid, too, so I can sympathize. But I've gotten at least a bit more adventurous in my old age. No way on earth would I have tried rabbit, or artichoke bottoms béarnaise, tapas or dim sum when I was a kid. Explore a little: not everything new and untested is a disaster.

Nick said...

No cajun food, Icon? You should have had my rabbit stew I cooked when I was in town last week. Make ya wanna slap ya mama!! Hell, even my fiance's 2 yr old little girl liked it, and she normally don't want anything but chicken or Ruffles.

Ian McGibboney said...

I ate rabbit once. There's a reason why I only ate it once. Damn, did that fur chafe my throat!

Chicken and Ruffles on the other hand....mmmmmm....

Nick said...

Thats why you skin the rabbit Icon, so you don't eat the fur. I'm telling you though, the meat was jucy and falling off the bone into the gravy.

Nick said...

By the way Icon, I did a Veterans Day post earlier. I did it including my family members but if you want, e-mail me something with your family members that you know of who were in any war and I'll gladly include it. I kind of want it to be a tribute for Veterans Day.